Sleep Through This
by Frenzied Nerves
Summary: *COMPLETE*Meryl POV; Knives wakes up with amnesia and Meryl is home taking care of him. KxM or VxM depending on my mood...meaning you will have to wait for the end to know which pairing...I am evil...*bad guy laughter* R
1. Lost Memory

Disclaimer: Trigun is not mine nor will it ever be mine.  
  
  
  
***I have seen this idea used. I`m not stealing the idea. I actually had it before then someone put their own up. I`m not trying to steal ideas. I`m just writing stuff that comes into my head. Anyways…I hope that you enjoy this! : )  
  
In this story Knives is intentionally out of character for a great majority of it. Do not be alramed and do not mention this in the reviews as a downfall. It is part of the story. I apologize if the others go out of character too much. I try my best and this is my version of what happens when the series ends.  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter1: Lost Memory  
  
  
  
A few weeks after Knives was defeated…  
  
I hate the fact that he`s here. Just the thought of him in the other room makes me both scared and pissed off at the same time. I asked Vash why he decided to let him live. He simply said that he could not kill his own brother. Well…that makes sense now that I think about it. I mean…I wouldn`t kill my family members if they were evil.  
  
Still….somewhere in the back of my mind I still find it hard to believe that Vash could trust him. I mean….this is Knives we`re talking about here! Millions Knives! The one that wants….or wanted to destroy all of humankind. Sure…I don`t really know when he….if he wakes up if he will have the same feelings or not but I still feel afraid.  
  
Of course I offer to help Vash all the time with his brother. I hated touching him…I still hate touching him. I took care of him more than even Vash did. He found a job in town. I`m not really sure what he does but I think that it has something to do with cooking. He is an amazing cook though Millie and myself do most of the cooking around here.  
  
Oh yeah! Off the subject of Knives for a moment: We stayed in that town! After we struck water the town held us up as heroes! They accepted Vash and his brother after a little bit of coaxing and the obvious fact that they would have someone there to protect their town. It worked. After a week they treated Vash with respect. I`m glad that they see him as we see him.  
  
Millie has not changed much. She`s still acting as happy go lucky as ever. I`m glad that she did not change on account of Wolfwood still being alive. I like seeing her happy. I really do.  
  
Back to Knives…I hate that man! I still can`t stop thinking about that! Each day I wonder how any of us will get along when he wakes up! What if he comes after us? What if he tries to hurt Millie? I know that Wolfwood will protect her. Just the other day we heard from him. We all were ecstatic that he was alive. He said that he would come by in a couple of weeks. I know that Vash would protect me…but only out of his deep friendship that he has with me, Millie and Wolfwood.  
  
I`ll be ready for him! Yeah! I hope that he wakes up jus so I can smack him and wring his neck! I want him to feel bad for what he did to all of those people! He killed so many people. I want him to feel their pain. I want him to feel it so badly I can taste it!  
  
I shouldn`t be thinking like this. That knucklehead wouldn`t be happy if he knew I want to hurt his brother. I guess that I`ll have to learn to deal with my anger or something for awhile…..at least until Knives is gone or he mellows out….whichever comes first.  
  
So much is happening at once. I feel a restlessness that I haven`t felt since our journey with Vash ended at this town. I don`t know. Maybe I want to travel around again. I don`t know. I think that it`s the opposite of homesick. Funny…you never hear about somebody who wants to be away from home. I guess that the insurance jobs Millie and I used to have gave us so many adventures that I got accustomed to travelling. Millie wants to stay home. I can`t blame her. With Wolfwood and his orphanage he plans on building here I see her reasoning.  
  
I`m happy for them but somewhere inside I feel so empty. I think that it`s jealousy…yes that`s it. It`s jealousy. I feel horrible for being jealous of Millie and Wolfwood. I tell myself over and over not to feel that way but the feeling gets worse.  
  
I wish that something would happen and the feeling would go. Something has to come along and get rid of this feeling.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
"Meryl, I`m home!"  
  
I hear him calling my name. He does that when he gets home everyday.  
  
"Hello, Vash! Are you hugry?"  
  
"Am I ever!" he replies gleefully. I smile as Vash comes bounding into the kitchen. He wore the usual tan khaki pants and white work shirt. His shoes are black and shining. It is still a bit strange to me to see him in human clothing but I don`t really mind. He smiles back. Millie walks in before he gets to say anything to me and soon enough the two abegin to chat up a storm. I never do know what they talk about. Those two talking together can be very confusing. The only thing that I catch is the end.  
  
"…so I told the guy to back off! Anyways…Meryl, how is Knives?"  
  
"He`s still asleep if that`s what you mean. To that effect I had no trouble with him today."  
  
"Excellent! Thanks a lot, Meryl! You sure are a big help!"  
  
I roll my eyes at this. Sometimes I find his compliments are only to keep me here all the time to care for his brother. I think that he finds me to be a big help towards getting Knives to like humans.  
  
I don`t believe that for a second….until I see it anyways.  
  
"I`m going to go check on him. It`s nearly time." I say to Vash. He nods with a mouth full of spaghetti hanging out of his mouth. I leave the room and walk down the hallway. I look at the pictures that we have along it. I cannot help but smile.  
  
`We sure do have some good memories here. I hope that Knives won`t ruin them!`  
  
I open the door to the guest room that Millie and I trasformed into Knives` room. He`s there now. He is lying on the bed in an almost comatose state. His color has been rapidly improving in the past few days.  
  
It`s all happing too fast.  
  
`I should get this over with.`  
  
Everyday around dinnertime I walk in here and check him to see if he is coming around. Everytime I find that nothing much changes. I pull up one of his eyelids. His lifeless ice blue eyes are still turned up towards the top of his head. I shiver at the thought of them fixed on me…watching me. I close his eye quickly. I check his coloring once more.  
  
`A little more color. He`s almost back to what his coloring should be. Vash will be pleased.`  
  
I check his pulse. Normal. I put my ear against his chest. I rose and fell faintly….and perhaps a little fatser than I expected.  
  
`Hmmm….`  
  
I did not expect him to wake up. Suddenly his arms wrap around me. They got tigher. I want to scream but I cannot. I imagine his hands wrappign around my neck and being crushed by them. I do not expect what happens next.  
  
"What are you doing here? Who are you?"  
  
I manage to pry his hands away from me. I stare at him in fascination.  
  
`Maybe he doesn`t know who I am. I never really met him.`  
  
"Oh! I`m Meryl! Meryl Stryfe!"  
  
"What happened?! Why am I here?!"  
  
"W…Well I…"  
  
The look in his eyes is strange. He does not not appear threatening. He appears frightened. Deeply frightened.  
  
"K…Knives….are you okay?"  
  
"What did you call me?"  
  
"Knives! Millions Knives! That`s your name!"  
  
"It is?"  
  
It dawns on me.  
  
`He has amnesia. How bad is it?`  
  
Knives looks around as if the walls would close in on his. He practically curls himself into a ball. I take a step towards him and he cringes away.  
  
"Stay back!"  
  
"I`m only trying to help!"  
  
I am becomign upset for no reason again. I hate it when I do that. It`s just been a habit of mine. He backs up as far away from me as he can.  
  
"Don`t come any closer!"  
  
"Do remember anything about yourself?"  
  
"No! I don`t know who I am or what I`m doing here! Why am I here?!"  
  
This was getting interesting. I never thought about him not knowing who he is. I put up my hand then think twice. I put it back down to my side. I turn and yell towards the open door.  
  
"Vash, come quick!"  
  
Vash got up there faster than I expect. He comes bounding through the door. Knives practically has a fit trying to stay away from him.  
  
"Vash, be quiet! Don`t run in like that!" I snap at him. He stares at Knives with a look of wonder and joy.  
  
"You`re awake! Great! Now I can tell you about what`s been going on and…"  
  
"Who`s he?" Knives asks me. I cannot ask him at first. I sputter through a great deal before words are formed.  
  
"I…uh….he can`t remember anything, Vash. He doesn`t even know who he is."  
  
Vash looks scared. Really scared. Not like Knives but he is scared. I feel bad for him there. He gives me the most heartbreaking look that I`ve ever seen.  
  
"….I`ll be helping Millie out. Can you…"  
  
"I`ll do what I can." I reply. Vash leaves quickly. He left me alone with him. Unlike my previous fears I have a new fear: I am afraid of this. I am afraid that he`s lying just to be able to kill me to hurt Vash.  
  
"Is he gone?"  
  
Knives peeks out from under his sheet. Somehow I cannot see him as lying. This would be too childish for someone like him.  
  
"Yeah. He`s gone. He`s your brother. You could have tried to be more trusting."  
  
"He is?!"  
  
I nod. He seems to trust me a little more now. Amazing what a few minutes will do. I take a ste towards him. He does not move but I can see the apprehension in his eyes. I stop and wait. When he does not move again I step closer. His fists tighten on the matress. I decide to leave him alone.  
  
"I`ll be back up later. Do you want anyhting to eat?"  
  
"…No….thanks."  
  
When he thanked me I nearly died. He stares at me with such innocent eyes I can hardly imagine him as once being evil. He is so timid…almost like a little puppy. I feel my recent anger leave me.  
  
`I can`t attack him like I planned. Well…if he doesn`t remember than maybe we do have that chance to change him for the better. I watch him for awhile at the doorway. He falls asleep evetually. I leave the doorway once I am sure that he is asleep. I walk to my room after I say goodnight to Millie and Vash. I walk to my bedroom and sit on my bed. I stare at the wall.  
  
`What will things be like in the morning? Will this get easier….or will they turn out to be just a dream?...Hmph! If this is a dream then I really will kill Knives!`  
  
I laugh to myself. I will not hurt him unless he threatens life again.  
  
`Maybe he`ll never remember.`  
  
I run my fingers through my hair. I take off my earrings and lay them on the table beside me. I lay down. I somehow all asleep into a dreamless sleep.  
  
  
  
***So whatcha think? This is only the first chapter. I plan for the other chapters to be longer. Expect more OOC Knives since he has amnesia and more action to come(no not fighting…this fic is more to be dramatic and romantic while humorous. Give me your feedback please! : )  
  
Actually I don`t know if I should continue this. Give me a review saying so and I will. 


	2. An Interesting Attachment

Disclaimer: Trigun is not mine.  
  
  
  
***Hello. Thanx to my usual reviewers and some new ones. I really really appreciate your reviews. You guys make me keep writing this. : )  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: An Interesting Attachment  
  
  
  
I can easily say that having Knives without his memory makes me feel a sort of relief. I felt that he would go after Vash or even Milly. I had no thoughts towards my own safety…unless I remembered that it would hurt Vash. With Knives looking so vulnerable I take to my duties with him on a new level. Sometimes I find it amusing to walk in on him and scare him with my presence.  
  
Yeah. It`s kind of mean of me…but I still feel an anger that I cannot explain. I just need to release it. Vash would not be too pleased if he knew. I`m not exactly pleased with myself either.  
  
Oh! It`s time for his lunch! I run down the hallway to the kitchen. I grab him some leftovers from the refrigerator and quickly heat up anything that is still edible. I pour him a glass of water then hurry towards his room but slow enough not to drop anything. I knock politely.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
I listen carefully. I hear a very faint "yes" from inside. I walk inside to find him staring out the window.  
  
"What are you looking at?" I ask. He glances at me with an almost wistful look in his eyes. I don`t remember seeing that look before.  
  
"…I was watching."  
  
"Watching what?"  
  
"People."  
  
"Do you remember anything?"  
  
His eyes turn dark.  
  
"No." he replies. Now his voice sounds depressed.  
  
`Good one, Meryl!`  
  
"I`m sorry. I didn`t mean to hurt your feelings."  
  
"It`s okay. It was my fault."  
  
`Knives…telling me that he`s wrong?`  
  
I may not have met Knives before but this was strange. For so long I imagined him cutting me or the others down. Now I can`t see that. I remember the tray that I`m carrying in my hands. I walk towards him. He cringes back. I hold out the tray.  
  
"I`m not going to bite. Take it. You need to eat."  
  
He reaches out after a couple of minutes and takes the tray. I watch him eat silently and slowly as if he thought that we were going to poison him or something. Well…I guess that I could see the real Knives doing so too. Good sign? I don`t really care so long as he doesn`t hurt any of us.  
  
"Thank you." I hear him mumble. I blink in surprise.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Thank you. Thank you for bringing me the food."  
  
"Oh. You welcome."  
  
Well that was a surprise! I sure didn`t expect him to do that! I guess that this really is pretty serious if he`s being all nice with me and all! This could get very interesting…  
  
"Do you think that you want to try and walk today?" I ask. He gives me this look like I expected him to fly…or a look of an I-don`t-trust-you kind. I shrug.  
  
"It`s okay. Just tell me when you want to."  
  
He barely nods at me. I guess that`s sufficient for now. I leave his room after he eats. I put the dishes in the sink then sit at the kitchen table. I open the newspaper to discover that there is nothing interesting to read about.  
  
`Boring…`  
  
I end up deciding to clean the house a little. I`ve been doing that a lot lately. I guess that I feel somewhat lonely with Vash and Millie gone. I want to go work with them but I made a promise to Vash that I would care for his brother. I think that he trusts me more than himself. I think that he believes that he will somehow damage Knives but believes that I will do what`s right.  
  
`Too much pressure to do the right thing.`  
  
I don`t want him to get back to normal. I would rather him stay confused. At least now he`s easier to be around.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
I spend the rest of the day doing odd jobs around the house. I even read a little. I haven`t done that in a long time. I wrote on the typewriter just to feel the keys beneath my fingers. I hear the door open. By the sound of laughing it is Vash and Millie. I smile.  
  
`Finally! I`ve been going crazy here alone!`  
  
I wait for them to come into the room to greet me. Vash asks me how Knives has been all day. I shrug.  
  
"He still is very distant with me…but who can blame him? It`s only been one day."  
  
"You`re right. Well…thanks for taking care of him." Vash replies. He grins sheepishly. I love that grin. I don`t expect him to care….he does care about me…just not in the way that I would like him to. He walks by me, gives me a smile then walks on. I think that he is going to check up on Knives. Millie is in the kitchen. She likes to cook sometimes which I am very grateful for. Soon Vash comes back down. He looks troubled.  
  
"Is he still afraid of you?"  
  
Vash scratches the back of his head. He looks so sad.  
  
"Yeah. I wish that there was something that I could do."  
  
"Just…give him more time. He`ll open up more. I`ll make sure of that."  
  
Vash hugs me. I can`t believe it. Just as I feel happy he lets me go.  
  
"Thanks, Meryl. You always know what to say."  
  
I watch him leave. I sigh then lay back.  
  
`I`m just kidding myself. He just thinks of me as a friend.`  
  
I decide to go check up on Knives. He might be kind of upset having Vash walk in on him and probably pleading with him to remember. I go through the door without knocking. He is where I expected him to be. He`s cringing under the covers. I almost feel sorry for him.  
  
"Knives, it`s okay. He`s gone."  
  
He peeks out at me.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
I almost laugh at the question. Could he not see that Vash is gone?  
  
"Yes. I`m sure. He`s downstairs."  
  
Knives comes out into the open. I notice that he`s been wearing the same clothing for awhile now. I point to the shower.  
  
"You need to take as shower. It`ll make you feel better."  
  
"But I can`t stand up on my own."  
  
`He sounds like such a child.`  
  
"It`s either you get up or you let me give you a sponge bath."  
  
He contemplates this proposal. I turn towards the door.  
  
"Sponge bath then. I…I think that I can trust you."  
  
This is a surprising turn of events. I didn`t expect him to trust me. I turn back to face him. I search his face to find any sign of a lie. He looks like he trusts me. He waits. I stare. I go into the bathroom. I pick up the bowl that I used when he was unconscious and begin to fill it with water.  
  
"So…how are you?"  
  
I can`t help but feel strange when I hear him ask such a question.  
  
`This is too much. Knives…asking me…`  
  
"I`m just fine. What about you?"  
  
`That sounded stupid.`  
  
"I was bored today. There`s nothing that I can do just laying here."  
  
"Next time I`m in town I`ll find you something to do."  
  
"…Thank you."  
  
Politeness from Knives...it still gets to me. I almost laugh aloud. I grab a sponge and walk back into the bedroom. He seems ready to chat all of a sudden. It even looks like he`s smiling. Weird…  
  
`Should I be glad or scared?`  
  
He`s sitting up straight and he`s smiling broadly at me. His icy blue eyes still chill me though his smile is surprisingly comforting. I sit down on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Take off your shirt."  
  
He complies without hesitation. I remove his bandages for him. By now the silence is getting to me.  
  
"So…have you had any pain today?"  
  
"…No. I`ve been good today."  
  
"Good. Tell me if you ever have any, okay?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Silence follows once again and I feel uncomfortable. He didn`t flinch as I use the sponge on him. He just sits there and stares across the room. I`m glad that he`s not staring at me.  
  
"When do you think that I can walk around?"  
  
I can`t answer the question at first. My mind was still on the silence.  
  
"…As soon as you feel like you can. Did you want to today?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Alright."  
  
I feel too embarrassed to wash him anywhere else. He seems to realize that. He takes the sponge. I leave. I sit out in the hallway until he says that he is done. He doesn`t ask for help with hard to reach places. I am thankful for that. I can understand why he let me do his back. That`s easy for me to get to and far less embarrassing. I take the bowl and place it back into the bathroom. I approach the door.  
  
"Wait."  
  
I turn to face him. He`s staring at me now. I feel strange under his eyes.  
  
"Is there something that you wanted?"  
  
"Please stay here."  
  
"You want me to stay here?"  
  
"I get…freaked out when I`m alone. I hate being alone."  
  
"Alright. I`ll stay until you go to sleep. Will that be enough?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
I take a seat beside the bed. He lays back and stares up at the ceiling instead of me. After awhile my eyes begin to droop. He still wasn`t asleep.  
  
`How can he stay up so long?`  
  
"Will you sit with me tomorrow? I need company." I hear him ask.  
  
"Sure." I hear myself reply. I guess that I wasn`t really awake when he asked. I don`t recall thinking about it. I end up falling asleep in that chair soon after he falls asleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
***Yes. I know. Not much action right now. This isn`t one of my usual stories where there are bad guys and a complex plot. This is like a regular day in my "fic world". Anyways…sorry for not updating for so long. I`ve been busy. R&R!!!! ^.^ I promise that it will get better!  
  
Remember: Knives is SUPPOSED to be OOC. 


	3. Trust

Disclaimer: Not my characters. Not my anime.  
  
  
  
***Thanks to all the people who are reading this! I really appreciate your input!  
  
+Quick Fact: The title of the entire story `Sleep Through This` comes from a Onsidezero song. It just seemed to kind of go with the story : )  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: Trust  
  
  
  
I decide to send Millie up one morning to check up on Knives. I only did so because Vash asked if I wanted to come with him on a walk. Of course I said yes.  
  
`Who wouldn`t?`  
  
Anyways…we come back about half an hour later and Millie is right in my face. She tells me that Knives wouldn`t allow her to help him out. Apparently he is afraid of her. That makes me laugh. The thought of Knives being afraid of Millie of all people is enough to make a person laugh to death. I think that I almost did. I tell Millie to calm down. I`ll go talk to him is what I say.  
  
I make my way towards his room. I knock on the door. No answer.  
  
"Knives, are you…"  
  
"Meryl, is that you?"  
  
`He used my name. How…strange.`  
  
"Yeah. It`s me."  
  
I open the door. There he is again…cringing under the covers. This is a sad sight. I mean..the first time that I saw this it was funny. Now it`s pathetic.  
  
"Don`t hide under the covers like that."  
  
"That girl scares me."  
  
"She wouldn`t hurt a fly. Besides…if you had your memory you probably would have…"  
  
`Stupid!`  
  
He comes out from under the covers with wide eyes.  
  
"What would I have done?"  
  
"…I don`t think that I should talk about this with you right now. You need to get used to the others in this house first."  
  
"…Alright…but promise that you`ll tell me about my past?"  
  
"…I promise, Knives."  
  
He smiles. It still freaks me out.  
  
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The rest of the day we talk a little. There wasn`t much to say to him. I tell him a little about myself then about Millie and Vash. I neglect to hit upon most of Vash`s past as it involved his own past. I dread the day when I will tell him about who he really is and what he enjoyed doing to people that he called "spiders" once.  
  
We play a couple of games that he could play without having to get up. He`s pretty good too. He beat me several times playing chess. I still had fun. It`s strange to say that. I`m having more fun with him than with…no. That wouldn`t be right for me to say.  
  
`I did enjoy talking to him. I haven`t had so much fun in weeks…or maybe even months.`  
  
I hated when the day ended. We say good bye now. I feel slightly depressed.  
  
"Will you stay with me?"  
  
"Huh?!"  
  
"You know…in my room like you did the other night? I feel a lot safer with you around."  
  
"Oh! Sure!...uh…Thank you for saying that!"  
  
`Nice one, Meryl!`  
  
He smiles again.  
  
`Damn it! Stop that!`  
  
"What`s wrong?"  
  
"I`m sorry! That smile…"  
  
He stops smiling. I hold up my hand.  
  
"No! Keep smiling! I`m sorry! I just never thought that you would smile! I guess that it should not bother me since…er…I`ll just stop talking!"  
  
"I like it when you talk though."  
  
I feel myself blush.  
  
"Stop! It`s flattering and all but…"  
  
I giggle nervously with the awkwardness of the situation. I leave the room only for a second to grab myself something to drink from downstairs and greet the others. I walk back up with a drink for him too. He thanks me then waves his hand towards the chair. I am still awestruck by how much he opens up to me.  
  
"Um…Meryl?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What happens to that guy…er…my brother`s arm? I noticed the last time that he was in here he had some kind of fake one."  
  
I nearly spit out my drink. I put down the glass on the table beside the bed.  
  
`Damn it! Why did you have to ask that?!`  
  
"Uh…um…how`s your drink?"  
  
"…It happened because of me, didn`t it?"  
  
"Please can we talk about something else?"  
  
He looks so hurt all of a sudden. I decide that I don`t like this.  
  
"Do you want to try and walk tomorrow?"  
  
He brightens up a little then he plasters a smile on his face. He looks up at me with those light blue eyes. Suddenly I don`t feel so afraid as I once was.  
  
"I`d like that."  
  
I feel warm. I come to the conclusion that I`m blushing.  
  
`Why am I blushing?! He only smiled at me!`  
  
He turns a light shade of pink then chuckles nervously.  
  
"Uh…I`m going to try and sleep now! I`ll…see you in the morning!" he says quickly. I barely have time to nod before he turns away from me. I stare at his back from behind. I can`t help but notice his muscle mass and…  
  
`What am I doing?! I`m checking out Vash`s psychotic…former psychotic brother! What`s the deal?...Well he is cute….really cute….handsome would be the better word…I need some sleep.`  
  
I end up falling asleep in the chair again.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
I wait patiently for Knives to swing his legs around and over the side of the bed. He insisted doing this unassisted. He did after around five or so minutes. I smile at him.  
  
"Good! Can you try and stand now?"  
  
He nods. I hold out my hand. He refuses it but after he fails to do so on his own he uses it. He nearly knocks me down when he falls against me.  
  
"Sorry…" he mumbles. I giggle. I`m feeling unusually happy today.  
  
"That`s alright! Now…how about I actually help you before you decide if you want to try something on your own?"  
  
Knives nods and smiles sheepishly.  
  
"Good idea."  
  
We manage to get through the door and into the hallway. We get down the hallways. I point to the door.  
  
"Do you want to go outside?"  
  
He shrugs. I take that as a "whatever you say". I let him lean his tall frame against me while I use my hand to unlock and open the door.  
  
`Short people helping tall people walk is not a good idea.`  
  
I help him outside. He cringes at the sigh of the sun. I get him back inside.  
  
"Sorry about that. I forgot that you haven`t been in the sun for awhile."  
  
"No problem."  
  
"I know!"  
  
I remember that Vash keeps his sunglasses next to the couch on the table. I run and grab a pair. I hand them to him. He takes them and puts them on. He puts his hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Thank you, Meryl."  
  
`This politeness is scaring the hell out of me.`  
  
I shake away the feeling of being uncomfortable and try and help him up. We manage.  
  
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Well…the rest of the day consisted of us falling several times when Knives wanted to "try something" and I wasn`t ready for it. He managed to walk out a few feet without support then back but that took energy out of him. We ate lunch in the kitchen then we talked until Vash came home. He was surprised that Knives was down there. Knives managed to control his fear of his brother with my help. Millie scared him a little less than Vash now. I think that this had something to do with her cooking a really good dinner.  
  
Anyways I felt really tired so I went up to my room and shut the door.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
I hear a knock at my door as I brush my hair.  
  
"Who is it?" I ask with a hint of annoyance in my voice. I didn`t like being bothered when I was tired no matter who it was.  
  
"It`s me…Vash."  
  
I put on my robe and stand up.  
  
"Come in."  
  
Vash comes walking in. He`s still wearing his work clothes. He smiles at me broadly.  
  
"Thank you so much for helping my brother out today! He seems to be making a lot of progress over these past few days! That`s really impressive!"  
  
I blush at the compliments.  
  
"It`s no trouble, Vash! I enjoy talking to someone! He`s really being very nice to me!"  
  
Vash frowns at this. This confuses me a bit.  
  
"Why the long face?"  
  
"Well…he`s only being nice to you now because he had amnesia. I`m afraid that he wouldn`t be so kind if he was awake."  
  
He looks so sad. I hate it when he`s sad. I step forward and wrap my arms around him.  
  
"Don`t be sad, Vash. I don`t care if he would hate me or not. I`m doing this because you asked me to."  
  
I feel his arms come up around me. My blush deepens.  
  
"Thank you, Meryl. You always know what to do to make me feel better."  
  
"That`s what I`m here for. Don`t forget that I`m always there for you."  
  
He lets go of me. We stare at each other for awhile until I turn my head away then turn to face the window.  
  
"Well…I need to get some sleep." he says "I`ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Meryl."  
  
"…Goodnight, Vash."  
  
My door opens then closes.  
  
`Stupid! Why did I turn around…and what just happened?!`  
  
I`m having my share of strange feelings with two men who just happen to be brothers.  
  
`Why do I feel so strange around him…and Knives?`  
  
I go to bed that night. I went to sleep eventually but I don`t really know how.  
  
  
  
  
  
***OH THE ANGST!!!!!!!!!!! So now Vash gets a bigger part…interesting….what IS Meryl feeling for Knives or Vash for that matter? Is it what she may think that it is? Where is Millie? Will she get a bigger part?...Yes. Eventually. Oh my yes!!!!! IT`S ALMOST A LOVE TRIANGLE!!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN? Will Knives get his memory back?....Maybe….on to chapter 4…eventually : ) Will a certain character make an appearance here?...I think so! Will there be more chapters?...lots!  
  
**OOC…oh yes…but this is my version of this story so THERE! Anyways…obviously yes Knives is OOC. I`m glad that reviewers understand that. Thank you! 


	4. Truth

Disclaimer: Not mine. That`s right. Not mine.  
  
  
  
***Hurray! This story`s actually doing good! Thank you so much, reviewers! On another note I changed the rating from PG to PG-13 cuz I decided that things might come up and I might get a little carried away. Anyways…don`t worry. It won`t get graphic or anything. I really just changed it to play it safe and not get flamed about that.  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: Truth  
  
  
  
A few days pass and I feel relieved that Knives has not asked about his past again. I really do dread the day when I have to. I won`t lie to him. I tell myself that all the time. I know that Vash wants me to because he wants Knives to remember who he really is. I don`t want him to.  
  
Over the past few days we`ve talked a great deal. I find myself intrigued by him. I suppose that it amuses me that he can`t remember. I feel so strange around him yet I enjoy being around him. I don`t really know what to think about that. I have other things that need tending first.  
  
I`m sitting beside Knives right now. We have been playing cards all day. He`s pretty good at it. He`s been doing very well. Now he can get up on his own and actually get to places by himself. He still needs help going up and down the porch steps. I`m always happy to help him out.  
  
Another thing that I`ve noticed: My attitude is actually getting softer. I used to be…well…bitchy as Vash once put it. I don`t know what`s changing. Maybe it`s due to us living together. Maybe It`s Knives and his amnesia. Maybe it`s Vash who has been acting very strangely around me.  
  
"Meryl! Meryl, where are you?"  
  
`Speak of the devil.`  
  
"What is it, Vash?" I ask aloud. Knives momentarily stops dealing cards.  
  
"Come down here!"  
  
"Do you want Knives down there too?"  
  
"No! Come on! Hurry! You will not believe this!"  
  
I smile at Knives. His face conveys confusion.  
  
"I`m sorry, Knives, but I have to go see what Vash is so exicted about."  
  
"Will you come back up here later?"  
  
"Of course I will."  
  
He nods. I hate his disappointment. I honestly hate to upset him. I run leave the room and make my way towards the front door. I see Vash. He looks so happy.  
  
`What`s going on?`  
  
As I get closer I find out why. Standing beside him acting as if nothing was wrong was Wolfwood. I can`t believe this. I didn`t think that he survived.  
  
`Oh God…where is Millie at a time like this?`  
  
"Long time no see." Wolfwood says. He acts as if he`s been with us the whole time. I circle him for a moment. He laughs.  
  
"Hey stop it! You`re acting as if I`m some kind of ghost or something!"  
  
"Can you blame me!" I exclaim "We thought that you were dead for a long time now! How…what….how are you here right now?"  
  
"Long story. I`ll tell you later or Vash will tell you. Right now there is a certain pudding loving big girl that I have to greet."  
  
He leaves the room in the direction that I point him to. I look up at Vash and cannot help but smile.  
  
"This is so great! Millie can be happy again! I can`t think of anything else that could make this moment any better!"  
  
He smiles at me. It`s a strange smile really. He actually looks happier than he ever has before. My smile falters as I notice this. I feel that odd sensation in my heart again. He places his hand on my shoulder.  
  
`I want him to kiss me….where did that come from? I can`t still like the broom headed idiot…can I?`  
  
Just one look into those green eyes and can feel my legs beginning to turn to jelly. He leans over slightly.  
  
`Can it be? Is he going to…`  
  
"Thank you very much for taking care of Knives today once again!" he exclaimed in a cheery voice. He kisses me on the cheek as he had recently become accustomed to doing. I sigh as he walks off.  
  
`What did I really expect out of that? He only think of me as a friend…and I want it to stay that way!` I tell myself. I decide to go back upstairs with Knives. I need to go think and he usually gives me the courtesy of doing so. First I stop off in my room. I grab a brush and look at myself in the mirror.  
  
`I look awful! I can`t see him like…no. Why am I thinking like that again?! Now it`s Knives…I need to get out more.`  
  
I end up brushing my hair a little. I go to Knives` room. I open the door and nearly run into him. He apparently had been walking around the room. He jumps back until he notices that it`s me. He puts his hand over his chest and breaths out a long breath.  
  
"You scared me!"  
  
I feel my heart in my throat.  
  
"Well you scared me! Sit back down! You`re still not in good enough condition to be walking around all the time!"  
  
He nods in agreement. He gets back into bed. He looks pretty tired. I hand him a glass of water that I got out of the bathroom.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"No need to say thanks. I don`t mind doing things for you."  
  
He tilts his head and smiles.  
  
`That sounded so lame.` I thought. I sit down on the edge of the bed. I`ve been sitting there lately. I`m not exactly sure when I started doing that.  
  
"I know that I already asked but how do you feel today?" I ask.  
  
"I feel pretty good. What did that guy…Vash…what did he want?"  
  
I feel uneasy all of a sudden. I really didn`t want to talk about this.  
  
"A friend of ours came back to us." I finally say "We thought that he was dead. His name is Nicholas D. Wolfwood. He`s a priest."  
  
Knives smiles for a moment then it fades. I feel my heart pound.  
  
`Please don`t remember anything.`  
  
"That name sounds so familiar…" he says. His voice trails off. I find a temporary moment to hope that he would shrug it off but it was only in vain.  
  
"Do you remember something?"  
  
"I don`t know….am I supposed to remember something about him?"  
  
`No! Why did I have to say his name? Now I`ll have to explain it to him…unless…`  
  
He`s looking at me. He looks expectant and a little afraid. I really hate for him to look so upset. I put my hand on his arm. He looks at it strangely. I remove it quickly.  
  
"Uh…no…you don`t have to remember him."  
  
"Meryl…are you lying to me?"  
  
His eyes are wide. He looks so much like an innocent boy…a large innocent boy. His blue eyes are pleading with me. They`re seeking truth that I must give him no matter how much it hurts.  
  
`I have to live up to a promise. Here goes nothing…`  
  
"Knives…the man downstairs…the reason we thought that he was dead…he was hurt by a man that was controlled by someone."  
  
Knives takes it well until it begins to sink in.  
  
"…It was me, wasn`t it?"  
  
"Not exactly….well…we can`t be sure. There was another man. His name was Legato. We think that he was the one who forced the other man called Chapel to shoot him. They all worked for someone else who ordered this to be done. That man…that man was you. All together these guys and more worked for you. Wolfwood worked for you except he changed when he hung around Vash enough."  
  
Knives turns his gaze down towards the end of the bed.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I don`t think that I should. You…"  
  
Something frightening happens to him. He suddenly glares at me with those eyes. Those icy blue eyes. I feel my heart beat against my ribcage. This time I am afraid.  
  
"Tell me more…please."  
  
After he says please his gaze softens back up. I feel a little better…but only a little. I think for a moments about what to tell him first. Nothing I think of will help how he`ll feel afterwards.  
  
"The group that you headed was called the Gun-Ho Guns. I think that I need to start before that when you and Vash were one year old. This was before they decided to start a planet here after earth became unlivable. About one hundred and thirty or so years ago a woman named Rem saved you and Vash from…"  
  
"One hundred and thirty or so years ago? But how can that be if I`m human?"  
  
I did not count on this. I forgot that he had amnesia for a moment.  
  
`He forgot what he is and how old he is….`  
  
"Knives…you`re not human. You`re what is known as a plant. I can`t really tell you as much as Vash could but I`ll try. All I really know is that most plants are used for powering our cities."  
  
"Do those plants die?"  
  
"…Yes. After their energy is used they die."  
  
"So humans use…my kind to power their cities then they die?"  
  
I feel uneasy again. I nod. I turn my head away from his. I don`t want to see his reactions anymore.  
  
"You and Vash resemble us of all of the plants. No one really knows why. I just know that you aged very rapidly when you were young but it slowed down when you and Vash were about 19 or 20 years old. You probably resembled how you are a little today."  
  
"Tell me more about this Rem."  
  
I suck in my breath. I told him about Rem and her teachings. I told him about how he began to see that humans caused a lot of their problems and that they used the plants for energy. He discovered that he began to manipulate minds and eventually had several people killed. He became unusually quiet when I mentioned how upset Vash was when Rem died. He only began speaking up again as I begin telling about how Vash decided that humans should not be all to blame.  
  
"So we started fighting?" he asks. I can hear the pain in his voice. This is hurting him so much. I feel tears coming to my eyes as I continue.  
  
"Yes. He ended up shooting you. You got so upset. He ended up running off with your gun. 17 years after that he locates the last living relative to Rem. He goes in…only to find that you killed him. I`m not sure what was said there but you…you shoot his arm off."  
  
I look up once again. His eyes are large and round. They`re shaking. He glances at the door.  
  
"So that`s why he has that arm…because I shot it off. Why did I do that?"  
  
"You wanted your gun back."  
  
"That`s the only reason?"  
  
"…Yeah."  
  
He nods at me then looks up at the ceiling. By the way that he was breathing I can tell that he may have some kind of breakdown at any moment.  
  
"…I don`t know what happened to the arm. Maybe Vash can tell you. The rest that I know is that you started the Gun-Ho Guns in order to hurt Vash and start creating your Eden. You wanted it to be only you and him. You hurt him and humans to come to whatever end you were trying for. I`m not clear on that. All else I can add is that you and Vash faced off and he won. The reason you`re lying here right now. Vash shot you several times and now you`re here with amnesia."  
  
After I finish telling him everything I half expect him to begin crying or embrace me. I didn`t expect what he did in reality. I put my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Don`t worry, Knives. You`re not him anymore. You…"  
  
He slaps my hand away. It hurt. It really badly. I thought that he had his memory back for a fleeting moment then his confusion lights on his face. I go to reassure him. He gives me a look that scares me.  
  
"Knives?"  
  
"Leave."  
  
"But you always want me to…"  
  
"Leave me alone! Go now!"  
  
I stand up slowly. Everything looks so surreal now. I make my way towards the door.  
  
"Meryl…" I hear him say. I don`t turn around but I wait for him to continue.  
  
"Don`t come up here for awhile."  
  
I didn`t think that anything could hurt so much. I leave the room without acknowledging what he said. I feel like I`m not real. I get inside my room and the tears that were building up spill out of my eyes. I don`t understand why it hurt me so much.  
  
`It was the truth, right? How can that hurt? It`s what Vash wanted me to do…and what he asked me to do. Why does it hurt so much? Why?`  
  
I didn`t want to think about it anymore. The situation itself alarms me. The two men(now three) that I`ve lived with are having strange impacts on me and all they`re causing me is grief. I somehow manage to fall asleep that night.  
  
  
  
  
  
***Yeah. I bit upsetting but it will get happier again. I promise that. I think that if Knives had amnesia and someone told him what he was and what he did than he would be pretty upset. Yeah…Vash isn`t a huge part but he will be beginning in the next chapter. Still no clear picture on pairings….hehehehehe…good. All is according to plan…*evil laughter*…ehem…Wolfwood`s back! HURRAY! Millie is happy again! See? It`s happier already! Fear not if this chapter was a bit painful to read! Good things will come eventually! : ) ….if Knives can try and forget about what he did. 


	5. Like Old Times

Disclaimer: Nope. I do not own Trigun.  
  
  
  
***^.^ MORE MORE!!!! Yes here is more!!!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 5: Like Old Times  
  
  
  
I couldn`t move the next morning. My body feels so numb. I don`t fully understand why I feel so badly. I mean…I know that I`m upset because of what happened with Knives last night. I just don`t understand why it should effect me like this.  
  
`I`ll just have to deal with it. I did what I had to do. He had a right to know. I wonder if he remembers anything yet.`  
  
Millie brought his food up to him instead. I asked her personally when I went downstairs. Now I am sitting in the living room and reading a book. I often did not read but when I did I feel so comfortable. I can even forget about my problems for awhile. This is one of those moments now.  
  
"Meryl…you told him, didn`t you?"  
  
That all-too-familiar voice drags me out of my silent pleasure and back into reality. I glance up at Vash who is standing there in his work clothes watching me. I can`t really explain the look on his face. It looks like he has something on his mind.  
  
"Yes. How did you know?"  
  
"I kinda guessed when you asked Millie to go up there instead. You two have been getting along so well that I just assumed. I assume that he did not take the news well."  
  
"You assume right."  
  
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"  
  
"Is that a demand?"  
  
He smiles.  
  
"Maybe."  
  
He sits down beside me and puts his arm around me. I feel better. I proceed to tell him everything that I told to Knives and how he reacted to them. He nods a couple of times. He pulls me against him. He pats my back a couple of times.  
  
"I`m sorry that he reacted like that. I know how much that must have hurt when he told you to leave. I`m sure that he`ll get over it though. If not I`ll talk to him. He seems to be opening up a little more to us anyways."  
  
"Thank you, Vash."  
  
"Why don`t you spend the day with Wolfwood and Millie?"  
  
"I think that I should let them have some alone time."  
  
"Wolfwood wants to build an orphanage here."  
  
I laugh.  
  
"He always wants to build an orphanage somewhere!"  
  
"He wants you and Millie to help him out with it. What do you say? I`m gonna help out too when I get the chance."  
  
"Who will look after Knives?"  
  
"I will."  
  
"What about your job?"  
  
He laughs and scratches the back of his head.  
  
"Do you think that we can live off whatever we have in the house for awhile?"  
  
He quit his job. I figure as much from him but I`m not upset. I giggle.  
  
"Alright! I think that we can manage!"  
  
I frown when I think of Knives.  
  
"You take care of him."  
  
"Hey! That`s my line that I use for you!"  
  
We talk a little more about this and that. We haven`t talked in a long time. He always had work and I was caring for Knives. Now that we have time I enjoy his company even more than I ever have before. I stand up and he stands up with me.  
  
"Well…where is Wolfwood now?"  
  
Vash clears his throat and gets an embarrassed look on his face.  
  
"Er…well…he`s in there with Millie and…"  
  
I stick out my hands.  
  
"No details!"  
  
He laughs. I love to hear him laugh. It lifts my spirits no matter how down that I am.  
  
"Say…do you want to take a walk with me?" he asks. I nod. I would do about anything to be out of this house for awhile. We both leave the house.  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
We arrive back at the house around dinnertime. We find Millie and Wolfwood making something for us to eat. To my surprise Knives is waiting at the table. He averts his eyes from me.  
  
I don`t really care right now. I`m trying to not look at him but it`s difficult. I sit down and pay attention to Vash. This is a pretty easy task. The rest of the dinner goes along like this. I laugh a little too much at anything funny that Vash does. He seems to enjoy the attention thoroughly. I look at Knives before I get up from the table. He`s looking straight at me. I turn away. I don`t care right now. I have more important things to do.  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
The next morning I go into town with Wolfwood and Millie. Vash is going to help out with Knives but he will be coming to help us soon. I have no idea what Knives is doing nor do I really care…well…okay! I do care but I really really don`t want to think about that.  
  
`Or do I?`  
  
Anyways…like I was saying…I went into town with the others. I feel kind of lonely. Wolfwood and Millie pay attention to each other and I feel left out. Don`t get me wrong. I`m happy for them. I just feel left out. I can deal with that….I can`t wait until Vash gets here.  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Meryl not here so no POV…  
  
Knives sits up when Vash walks into the room. He backs up a little.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Knives, we need to talk."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"What you`re doing to Meryl."  
  
Knives averts his eyes.  
  
"Oh…her…"  
  
"Yes her." Vash says as he sits down in the chair beside the bed. Knives edged a little further away.  
  
"Go on."  
  
"I know that what she told you was hard to take. Really hard."  
  
"…How would you know? You weren`t the homicidal maniac.."  
  
Vash half laughs then stops when he notices the look on his brother`s face. He scratches the back of his head and sighs.  
  
"She didn`t deserve what you said to her. She`s really upset about it. Can`t you apologize to her? She had nothing to do with the way that you were. She was being truthful."  
  
Knives looks slightly ashamed. He crosses his arms.  
  
"It was a lot to take in. I guess that you wouldn`t understand…"  
  
"Were you listening to anything that she said? You weren`t exactly nice to me. You…well that`s not important. What`s important is that you apologize to her."  
  
Knives looks uneasy. He shakes his head slightly.  
  
"…Is she really upset?"  
  
Before Vash could continue they heard the door open downstairs. The sound of people talking made Vash smiled.  
  
"Sounds like the others came back early. I hope that Wolfwood was able to get a loan to build the orphanage. That would be great around here."  
  
Knives gives no response. Vash gets up and puts up his hand.  
  
"I`ll see you later. I`m glad that you are not as scared of me as you were before. Remember that Meryl and I are always around to help out if you need to ask a question or something."  
  
He leaves Knives alone in the room. He stands up shakily then walks towards the door.  
  
--------------------------------------  
  
I watch Vash come down into the living room.  
  
`I wonder what he was doing. Maybe he was telling Knives more about his past or something.`  
  
Vash smiles at me broadly. I smile back. He sits down in a chair beside me. Wolfwood stands up. Millie claps. Wolfwood put up his hand for silence.  
  
"Well…how did it go?" Vash asks. Wolfwood smiles.  
  
"I got it!"  
  
We all cheer. He holds up his hand again for silence.  
  
"We begin building tomorrow and I want you three to help as I`ve mentioned before. Any objections?"  
  
We all look at each other. He grins.  
  
"Good."  
  
No one mentions Knives. I think that we all assume that he`s safe to leave alone. I agree. Being the way he is right now I doubt that he would cause us any trouble despite the way that he spoke to me that day. I`m still avoiding him. I feel Vash place his hand on my arm. I glance over at him.  
  
"What is it, Vash?"  
  
"Don`t worry about Knives. I`ve taken care of it."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"I told him that he was wrong how he treated you. I don`t know if he`ll apologize to you but…"  
  
I feel embarrassment.  
  
"Why did you do that? It was between me and him."  
  
"I`m sorry. I` was just trying to help."  
  
He removes his hand and turns to face Wolfwood who is chatting with Millie.  
  
`I hurt his feelings`  
  
"No. Don`t be sorry. I`m the one who should be sorry. You were only trying to help me out. Thank you for trying."  
  
He flushes slightly which confuses me but continues to not look at me.  
  
"Hey! That`s not the Meryl that I know! Where`s the anger?"  
  
I slap him. He laughs while placing his hand against his cheek. Wolfwood and Millie start to laugh. Soon I join in. I feel so happy to be laughing again. This is the way it should be: Me, Vash, Millie and Wolfwood in the same house…except Knives is part of it now and he just doesn`t fit. I hate to say that. I really do. I shriek when Vash suddenly jumps up and grabs me by the hands. He starts swinging me around.  
  
"Oh, Meryl! I`m so happy that you`re not angry with me!"  
  
`He just killed the moment.`  
  
Wolfwood and Millie continue to laugh at Vash`s antics. I loosen up a little after Vash puts me down and the room stops spinning. My cheeks are now beet red and I`m laughing again.  
  
`How long has it been since I laughed like this?`  
  
"You know what we need to do." Wolfwood states "We need to go to a bar and celebrate like the old times!"  
  
"Oh no!" I shout "You know what happens to Vash and Millie when they`re drunk!"  
  
Vash slaps me on the back.  
  
"Oh come on, Meryl! It`ll be like it used to be! Come on! Please?! Just one night, I promise!"  
  
`His promises are worth about as much as a sweater in the blistering heat.`  
  
I give in the end. The knucklehead would never let me hear the end f it if I didn`t do so.  
  
"Alright. Let`s do it."  
  
They all cheer. I smile happily. Vash drags me by the arm. Wolfwood and Milly run outside ahead of us. I look towards the hallway to see a tall shadow fall back into the darkness.  
  
`Knives…was he listening?`  
  
I have little time to ponder on this subject as Vash finally gets me out the door. I push it to the back of my mind to touch upon later.  
  
  
  
***Yes. Vash and the others are getting a bigger part. What will happen with Knives? Does he feel left out? Could he possibly feel jealousy towards his brother? The biggest questions of all perhaps are: Will Knives ever get his memory back and what will he do if he regains it? So many questions so much more story to go…  
  
****Thank you peoples! : ) I will try to write the next chapter as soon as possible. 


	6. Apologies

Disclaimer: Trigun is not mine.  
  
  
  
***^.^ I love you people!  
  
  
  
Chapter 6: Apologies  
  
  
  
I really like helping out Wolfwood. He`s very generous about letting Millie and myself off of work and such. He never fails to see that we are people too.  
  
Oh yeah! About Wolfwood…I wondered for a long time how he lived that day awhile back when he got shot. He said that he lived because the church helped him out and took care of him. He kept it a secret for our own safety he said. He explained that, during the time, he feared that Knives would try and use him to get to Vash or one of us. We understood what he meant and we respect him for that.  
  
Anyways…Vash quit his job to come work with us. He said that Knives got around very well now by himself. I was happy to hear that. I was mostly happy because Vash could work with us now. He is so sweet. He constantly reassures me that Knives is sorry. I don`t care. Why should I care? If it makes Vash happy to think so then I`m happy.  
  
I can`t say that we get any work done with Vash down there. He`s always being the loveable goofball that we all know and love. He always finds some way to make us laugh or want to slap him silly. I missed that. I`m glad that I took Wolfwood`s offer to be down here.  
  
Millie and Vash…a bad combination. Though I love them both to death I have to say that they do not mesh well near heavy machinery. They involve themselves in attempting to help build while Wolfwood and myself go over plans. We both make a pretty good team. After we discuss we give them orders. Other people in town help too.  
  
All in all this is turning into one of the greatest things that I have ever done.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Ahhh! What a lovely day! I don`t usually act so happy but I feel so alive today! The project has been going on for a couple of weeks now.  
  
`I wonder where Vash is?`  
  
He hasn`t been here for about an hour now.  
  
`He`s late…the donut stuffing baka!`  
  
I have no idea what he`s doing. Knowing Vash he could be anywhere.  
  
"Meryl, where`s Vash?" Millie asks me. I shrug without turning to face her.  
  
"I don`t know."  
  
"Oh! There he is! Look and Mr. Knives is with him! Maybe he`s going to help us!"  
  
I look up. Shock is the best word I can come up with at this moment. There they both come. Vash is dressed in his usual work attire and he managed to get Knives into some as well.  
  
`What is he doing here?`  
  
Vash smiles and puts up his hand.  
  
"Hey, Meryl! I convinced Knives to come out here and help us out! I told him that he could help you and Wolfwood plan so he wouldn`t have to do anything that could injure him!"  
  
I look at Knives. His blue eyes are averted from my own. He finally turns his eyes to me.  
  
"Is that okay?"  
  
`How strange. He acts like it`s up to me.`  
  
"Uh…of course. If Vash likes the idea then I like the idea."  
  
Vash glomps me and spins me around.  
  
`Here we go again.`  
  
I can`t help but smile every time that he does this.  
  
"Oh thank you, Meryl! Thank you! You won`t regret it!"  
  
He lets me go after a few minutes. I playfully punch him in the shoulder.  
  
"He`d better or I`ll hold you personally responsible!" I joke. He salutes me. I giggle. We go on like that a little while longer until Wolfwood appears.  
  
"Alright now! Get a room, you two, or get to work!"  
  
Vash and I make eye contact then simultaneously blush. Vash leaves quickly after scratching the back of his head sheepishly. I turn to face Knives. He blinks.  
  
"Come on, Knives. Let`s…"  
  
He grabs a hold of my hand. I feel that fear in my heart.  
  
`Does he remember?`  
  
"Meryl…I want to apologize for getting angry with you a couple of weeks ago. It really was uncalled for and ill-mannered of me. Can you forgive me?"  
  
His eyes look so sad yet hopeful at the same time. I can`t help but feel a certain sympathy for him not only from his amnesia but for letting this go on for so long without fixing it myself. I nod as I peer up into his face.  
  
"Yes."  
  
He smiles. His eyes appear full of relief. I feel my heart soar at the sight of it. He puts his hand out and on my shoulder.  
  
"I`m glad."  
  
"So am I. I thought that you hated me."  
  
"I`m sorry that I made you feel that way. I just couldn`t take what I was hearing. I learned that I was some kind of psychotic plant. I just couldn`t take that kind of news lightly.  
  
"I understand. I mean…I don`t understand completely but I understand why you reacted the way that you did."  
  
I move my eyes from his hand on my shoulder to his face and continue that back and forth until he removes it. We stand in awkward silence. I love my hand out and behind me.  
  
"Let`s get to work."  
  
He nods. He follows me as I lead him.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
Knives wasn`t that helpful. First off he didn`t know what to do or say. Secondly he felt afraid of everyone out there besides Vash, Millie and myself. He still didn`t know Wolfwood well enough to trust him. He would hide behind me when Wolfwood approached. I found it hilarious. Finally…well…he just wasn`t much help.  
  
On a lighter note he kept me company. He would talk to me if I asked him a question and he would answer. He asked me a lot of questions too. It was strange how much that I missed talking to him.  
  
`Long first day but I`m glad that so many things could work out as they did.`  
  
I pick up the plans and wave to Wolfwood.  
  
"I`ll catch up later! I`m going to collect all of our things then catch up with you!"  
  
"Alright!" he replies. I watch as Millie catches up with him. I smile to myself. I get the presence that I`m being watched. I look behind me. Vash and Knives both stand there.  
  
`What…are they doing?`  
  
I turn completely around. They both smile.  
  
`They look so alike when they smile….is that good or bad?`  
  
"I was just talking with Knives and we agreed that we need to go out to eat today." Vash says "I…we wanted to know if you would grace us with your presence."  
  
He mock bows. I laugh.  
  
"Stop it, knucklehead!"  
  
Vash shrugs.  
  
"Alright." he says in a whinny voice. I can`t help but slap him as usual. Knives is watching me expectedly for an answer. I look at both of them. I feel uneasy and I don`t understand why. I should feel ecstatic that the both of them want me to come along but something just doesn`t feel right. They`re staring at me so strangely. I want to say no but…  
  
"What did you have in mind?"  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
We end up going to a bar and grill type place. I`m actually not that hungry so I only grab a salad from the buffet. Vash and Knives took whatever they could. Now we sit in a corner and eat silently. I don`t understand why it`s so quiet. Vash usually tells a lot of jokes when we eat. Now it`s too quiet.  
  
"…How is work coming along for you?" I ask. Knives takes a second to realize that I`m speaking to him. He smiles at me.  
  
"It was good….but I keep feeling like I`m holding you and Wolfwood back. I don`t really know what to do."  
  
"Tomorrow I will try and fix that." I reply. He nods. More silence.  
  
I glance over at Vash. He`s getting food all over himself.  
  
`Like always.`  
  
He suddenly pops his head up and looks around.  
  
"Is there something on my face?"  
  
We all burst into fits of laughter. Vash does it again. The rest of the dinner we all three talk about this and that and Vash of course breaks any ice with jokes.  
  
`This is more like it.`  
  
Knives speaks the least during any conversation. I have a feeling that he would have if he had remembered anything. When he does talk though it does not involve any comments to hurt us. He sounds exactly like he should for this conversation. I can`t help but glance over at Vash once more. He`s laughing still. I don`t think that he could ever stop laughing.  
  
`What a baka.`  
  
He pats his stomach.  
  
"I`m stuffed! Ready to go?"  
  
Knives and I nod. After paying we get up and leave.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
We arrive at the house. I stop.  
  
"You two can go in. I`m going to sit out here for awhile."  
  
They both nod and say goodnight. After they go inside I find a nice place to sit down on a small rock facing the horizon where the sun is quickly setting. I think about the events of that day.  
  
`Today was good. Really good.`  
  
I really do hope that Knives doesn`t get his memory back. I hate to think about what he`ll do. I `m starting to feel better and better. He shows no sign of doing so even after I reminded him of everything that he did before. I also think that Vash is pleased as well. He says that he wants Knives to remember but judging from the way that he reacted to Knives` being timid of other people he doesn`t seem to mind. He would laugh and such. When I look into Vash`s eyes I can tell what he`s thinking most of the time. He definitely was not in pain. He was content.  
  
`That`s the way that it should be. Life should go on.`  
  
I`ll help him out always. I am what I fondly call myself: Vash`s faithful servant. I would do anything for that baka. I would walk to the ends of the earth for him. I think that he knows that. He always asks things of me a lot more than he would Millie or Wolfwood. I feel deeply flattered by this. I understand completely.  
  
`He trusts me.`  
  
Trust is a word that Vash lives by. Besides protection of those he loves and courage to stand up against the masses he craves trust. He needs this to feel like someone is there for him. I admire him for that. Trust for me usually comes to if Millie will remember to take out the trash. It`s funny to think about that. For me the fact that Vash trusted me for awhile with his own brother is amazing. This intrigues me.  
  
I`ve had feelings for Vash and I still have feelings for Vash. I think that the feelings had subsided for the time that I was watching over Knives but some are beginning to resurface again…but not all of them.  
  
I shift slightly on the rock I`m sitting on.  
  
`Damn rock! Can`t get comfortable!`  
  
…Where was I? Oh yeah! Vash…I feel tired all of a sudden. I can`t think about this right now. I get up and walk to the door. I walk inside and nearly run into Knives.  
  
"You scared me!" I exclaim "What are you doing down here?"  
  
"I`m sorry. I was going to get something to drink."  
  
I give myself a few minutes to catch my breath while Knives gets a glass of water. I turn to leave.  
  
"Will you sit with me in my room…like you used to?"  
  
I don`t say anything.  
  
"I really am sorry about what happened. I…I missed you being in there."  
  
`Missed me?`  
  
Strange. Those words tug at my heart. I don`t know what that means. It means fear or…no. That`s not possible. Not him. I nod slightly without turning.  
  
"I`ll sit with you."  
  
We go back to his room where I take the chair that I sat in a couple of weeks ago. Knives settles in. He turns away from me as he usually does. I turn my chair to face the window where the moon is fully visible and I wonder what the new day will bring tomorrow.  
  
  
  
***Yep. Another cliffhanger. I`m evil….: ) This chapter was kind of just something to let Knives apologize. Still don`t know what the pairing will be? Good. On another note: There will be more excitement soon enough. Me promises that. Anyways…I`ll try and get out another chapter soon. See ya! 


	7. Let The Games Begin

Disclaimer: Trigun-not mine.  
  
  
  
***…Hi….yes. I`m drawing it out….hehehehhehehehehhehehehe….I am truly evil but fear not. The answer will come…soon….who will the ultimate pairing be in the end? Oh the torment I may cause! Thax to reviewers for sticking it out this long. I will not disappoint you.  
  
  
  
Chapter 7: Let the Games Begin  
  
  
  
One night I decide to sit out in the living room. I convinced Knives that he could sleep alone without fear. I find it quite peaceful to sit out here. I start a fire and watch it. Everything is so peaceful…  
  
"Why are you up so late, Meryl?"  
  
`Vash?`  
  
I turn my head to see Vash standing there leaning against the wall. I smile.  
  
"I should ask you the same thing."  
  
"I heard someone moving around in here. I decided to finally come and check it out."  
  
I turn back to stare at the fire. He takes a seat beside me. I can`t help but notice how good that he smells. Yeah he took a shower but it never gets rid of his unique scent. I can`t really explain the smell. It`s just…it`s a Vash smell.  
  
"Knives seems to be doing well." He says. I shrug. I`m not really in the mood to talk about him or anything at the moment.  
  
"Yes. I suppose that he is."  
  
"I still wish that he would remember who he was."  
  
"Why?"  
  
His face conveys surprise when I glance at him.  
  
"He`s my brother and I want him to remember me!"  
  
"But what about the other things that he would remember, Vash? Have you thought about that? What if he remembers that he hates all humans then decides to go after them again? What if he goes after Millie…or me?"  
  
"Don`t talk about that!" he snaps. I feel surpise and slight fear from his outburst. Never have I heard him so angry sounding towards me. I hesitantly move a few inches away from him.  
  
"…I`m sorry but he does pose a threat."  
  
I`m almost off of the couch now. His eyes go back to the same innocence as usual. He reaches out and takes a hold of me. He draws me towards him then embraces me.  
  
"No. I should be the one to apologize. He would pose a threat. I just…I just don`t like thinking about that. I only like to believe that he would be changed. I guess that I`m being kind of stupid about it. He shouldn`t…"  
  
"No. He should remember. I don`t want him to be without knowing who he really is fully and not by what we tell him. I`ll try harder if you do."  
  
"Of course."  
  
He`s still holding me. I lean my head against his. I feel that weird feeling in my heart again.  
  
`I gave up on Vash liking me awhile back…could he possibly…`  
  
"I really don`t know what I would do without you, Meryl."  
  
He lets go of me and we`re staring at each other. Suddenly we hear a scream from the other room. We both get up and run until we reach the source of the screams: Knives` bedroom. I open the door quickly. Knives is looking around the room wildly. He notices us. He gets up and dashes right at me. He grabs on to me.  
  
"Tell them to go away!"  
  
I look around. Nothing but a dark room.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"That guy with purple hair and those other people. They keep calling me Master!"  
  
`Purple hair?...Legato?...Isn`t he dead?`  
  
Knivs practically lifts me off the ground.  
  
`Man, he`s really freaking out.`  
  
I moves his arms off of me.  
  
"It was a dream, Knives! A dream! You can`t take this stuff seriously!'  
  
"I hear myself laughing. I wanted to do what I was telling them to do."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
"To hurt him."  
  
He points towards Vash.  
  
"I wanted to hurt him and I don`t understand why."  
  
I look up at Vash. He nods.  
  
`He`s starting to see things from the past in his dreams. Will he remember?...Not yet…but I get a bad feeling from this.`  
  
Vash and I talk a little with him. He calms down. Vash and I end up staying in there with him. I sit on the chair and Vash stays on the opposite side of the bed far away from Knives. Nothing else happens that night.  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
He keeps having the same nightmares over and over again. He`s beginning to see things that vash and I do not remember. Obviously they are the memories in which Vash had not been around to see. We became a bit frightened when he told us about some. I never realized just how cold Knives had been.  
  
`Which makes me all the less excited about him remembering.`  
  
Well…he still doesn`t really know who he is. He only knows what he saw in the dreams. He says that sometimes he thinks that he remembers. I don`t think so. He would probably act differently. He stills acts really timid. Vash and I try and tell him that he isn`t that guy anymore. He doesn`t really respond to that. He disagrees and says that he still is just hidden away somewhere until he is unleashed again.  
  
On a different note Vash and I are getting along better than ever. We`ve never really been able to sit down and talk. Now we talk all the time. We share moments like that night in front of the fire. I`m starting to think that maybe…no. He wouldn`t….  
  
Strange…it seems that everytime we`re alone Knives has something happen to him. I wonder if there is some kind of significance but that`s just silly of me.  
  
`Imagine! Two good looking twins actually…what the hell am I thinking?! Man, I have a wild imagination! I need to get a grip…`  
  
"Hey, Meryl!" Wolfwood yells from the kitchen "Come here! Take a look at this idea that I have for the orphanage!"  
  
I run into the kitchen and look over the plans. Millie is making some tea. Knives is in the living room. I`m not really sure what he`s doing. I guess the best word would be that he`s thinking. He` looks like he`s thinking. Vash is in a chair to my right. He`s looking over the plans and telling Wolfwood how great that they are.  
  
`Always one to make others feel good about themselves.`  
  
"What`s that?"  
  
I jump at the sound of Knives` voice from behind me. He points to a section of the paper.  
  
"Oh! That`s a plan for rooms for them to sleep in!"  
  
"That`s pretty good."  
  
I look over my shoulder. He leaning over me. He actually appears to have an interest in what`s going on now. Before he seemed a little shaky to do anything.  
  
"Really?" Wolfwood asks. He grins then slaps Knives on the back.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Now this is my kinda guy! We`re gonna get along great!" Wolfwood exclaims in reply. Knives just kind of stares at him. I can`t say that I blame him. Wolfwood just continues to grin. Knives raises an eyebrow towards me. I shrug. I look over towards Vash. He`s laughing. He can always laugh about everything.  
  
---------------------------------  
  
Well…nothing exciting is happening. We`ve been buliding the orphanage for weeks now. I think that a month or two went by. Heh…I lost a lot of days. It`s not that I`m upset about that. I`ve actually had more fun than I ever have before. I think that the real Knives would have killed me but…I actually consider this Knives as one of my best friends. Now I have four best friends and nothing can change that…at least…I hope not.  
  
Well…back to reality…Wolfwood seems pleased with the work that`s being done. He made me his co-manager. I was and and still am terribly flattered by that. Knives is our assistant…though he still doesn`t do much, Millie is head building instructor and Vash is of course the co to this. The other people helping are just kind of there. Wolfwood calls this Wolfwood and Co. We didn`t ask qeustions.  
  
All in all work is coming along very well…but my personal life is getting strange. Vash is acting stranger. He seems to give me extra attention. I would be ecstatic…I am! Don`t get me wrong! There`s just one little problem.  
  
Knives is starting to become…attached to me. I only began to really notice this a few weeks ago. He won`t leave now unless I go. He won`t go back home until I`m going too. There are a couple more but I have work to do.  
  
One other thing…Vash and Knives seem to have a little tension between them that`s starting to surface up. I don`t really know why. It`s not clear but I have a feeling that it will be.  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Knives is still having those nightmares again. I can hear him through the door everytime I walk near his room. I can`t stand it. It gets to me. I don`t like when one of my friends. I push the door open slightly to see him thrashing around. I can`t understand him this time. I know that he`s seeing things from his past. He always sees that. I creep softly towards the bed. Suddenly he sits up straight. He locks eyes with me.  
  
"Will this ever end?" he asks. I shrug.  
  
"I don`t know."  
  
"I`m starting to see them clearer now. I never see me but I can hear someone that sounds like me."  
  
"Is he alright?"  
  
I glance over where Vash stands expectedly.  
  
"It`s okay now. I`ll come join you in a moment after I help him calm down."  
  
Vash nods then leaves. I turn my head back towards Knives. He has a weird look on his face. I can`t really describe it…well…you can call it confusion but it looks more like alarm at the same time.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You two sit up every night…together?"  
  
`What the…he sounds so…so jealous…`  
  
"It`s not what you think. I was sitting around one night and he walked down to see what I was doing. Now we just do that every night. All we do is…"  
  
"I`m going to stay up too. Come on. Let`s go."  
  
He stands up and I jump back a bit. This is so unlike him to act like this…the way that I know him anyways. I follow him as he leaves the room. We come to the living room. Vash immediately takes notice of Knives.  
  
"Why is he here?"  
  
Before I can respond Knives jumps in first.  
  
"I invited myself. Is that a problem?"  
  
His voice sounds hostile. Vash makes a small growling sound.  
  
"…Fine."  
  
Now I`m confused here. It`s almost like…  
  
"Come on, Meryl. Sit back and relax…like we usually do." Vash says with a slight edge. Knives grumbles but tries to keep on his currently genuine looking smile, I sit down as usual. I get the feeling that I was just now realizing something that`s been going on when I didn`t notice. They`re staring at each other. They don`t look happy.  
  
`I feel so uncomfortable.`  
  
Over the past few weeks as I said I`ve noticed that they are acting strange. Boy does this make it clear…not! I force a smile at both of them then pick up a magazine and proceed to bury my face in it`s pages. I can feel the tension in the room.  
  
`What is going on here?`  
  
I can just see them now through my magazine. They`re staring at each other. I don`t understand.  
  
`Wasn`t Knives afraid of Vash….I mean..he is doing a lot better than before but now he`s acting as if Vash threatened something that he can`t forgive.`  
  
Vash puts his hand on my should.  
  
"I`m tired. I think that I`ll go to bed. Early to bed and early to rise. I`ll get up early for work."  
  
"Good for you." I say quickly.  
  
"Me too." Knives says. I nod. They both leave after saying goodnight to me at least a thousand times. I blink and shake my head from side to side.  
  
`I just don`t understand. It`s almost like…like they`re fighting over me…no. That can`t be it…can it?`  
  
  
  
***Let the games begin! The duel for Meryl`s heart! Yes…there will be angsty moemnts coming up for both pairs so there won`t be any clarity on who gets Meryl….or if Knives will remember anything which could overcomplicate things. Oh…..no I will not tell yet. LOL!!!!! 


	8. The Race Heats Up Until...

Disclaimer: Trigun is not mine.  
  
  
  
***Sorry that this took so long. My cous has been over and I`ve had tiny writer`s block. I hope that none of you are angry with me. Here ya go!  
  
  
  
Chapter 8: The Race Heats Up Until…  
  
  
  
Yes. Vash and Knives are acting very strangely indeed and it`s been getting worse over the past few weeks. No longer do I dwell on Knives getting his memory back or anything else. Now I`m proccupied with dealing with…them.  
  
Yeah. They`re fighting over me. I think that I`m flattered but…no. This is annoying. I don`t even know how this all began. I love Vash…or I think that I still do. Knives…well…he`s different now and that makes him…more available…or…arg! I don`t know how else to put it!  
  
Bottom line is…I haven`t chosen and I won`t chose. I would rather not go through this…or put them through this. I`m going to let this pass. Somehow…I hope that this dies down. I don`t know why I feel like this all of a sudden. I guess that I just want life to be the way that it was before…except Knives is not evil.  
  
------------------------------  
  
`Oh no! Vash…don`t…`  
  
"Here`s breakfast! I made your eggs just the way that you like them!" he sings. I want to crawl under the table and die. No…better yet…I should slap the big knucklehead for embarassing me like this! I bite my tongue and put on a big fake smile.  
  
"Thanks." I manage to reply. He nods happily. Knives, who is sitting beside me, doesn`t look like he is very happy with this. Vash gives him a ha-ha type of look. I find that strangely hilarious.  
  
`Imagine…two handsome plants fighting over me. It`s almost too much…still…I wonder if Vash just doesn`t like some other guy, even if it is his brother, to be around me. Maybe he thinks that Knives will somehow regain his memory and attack me or something. Yeah..that has to be it…but what about Knives? Well…maybe he just doesn`t like me neglecting him so much. Yes…this all seems to make sense now.`  
  
They`re jealous of each other but not for my love.  
  
`That`s actually funny thinking about if that was true.`  
  
Imagine it.  
  
"Meryl, are you alright?"  
  
That`s Knives. I look at him. His face holds concern. I`m not sure why.  
  
"What is it?" I ask with surprise.  
  
"You went off into your own little world there for a minute there. I was trying to ask you if you would go into town with me to help me pick out some clothes and…"  
  
"Sure."  
  
`Anything to get out for awhile.`  
  
His face immediately brightens up. I`m happy to see him happy. I really want him to be able to function better. He had nightmares for a few weeks. Vash and I helped him out until he began to not have them anymore. I have to say that Vash and I made a good team. We still do.  
  
Speaking of Vash he`s giving me this look.  
  
`Why is he looking at me like that?!`  
  
I almost expect him to ask to join but he only smiles.  
  
"Since you`re going can you bring me back some donuts?"  
  
I can only nod. He says thank you. After I finish eating Knives follows me out to the car and we go into town.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
I can`t really describe what I`m seeing right now. Let`s just say that Knives can`t pull off a cowboy look. I laugh and tell him to quickly change. I don`t think that he`s too happy with me for laughing but I really couldn`t help it.  
  
`Could you…seeing him wearing that hideous outfit? That hat…`  
  
"Alright…what about this?"  
  
He sounds like he is frustrated. Now I feel bad…but only a little. He walks out. I nod in approval. I find him quite appealing in a black trenchcoat. He picked out a nice white shirt to go under it as well. His black pants compliment the outfit. I pick out a pair of black boots for him. He asks me if he looks threatening. I laugh and tell him that he could never look threatening. His cheeks turn a bit red.  
  
"Why are you so embarassed?" I ask with a laugh.  
  
"…Because you gave me a compliment."  
  
My turn to blush.  
  
`Damn it! Why am I blushing?!`  
  
"I`m hungry. Would you eat with me?" he asks. I nod with a smile.  
  
"Of course! I`m starving!"  
  
------------------------------------  
  
I wasn`t lying to him. I was starving. We eat lunch then head off to check out some things at the local market in town. I usually go alone or with Millie. Knives surprisingly seems happy to be here. That is one thing that I`ve noticed that he and Vash differ on. Vash only goes for the donuts.  
  
Anyways…I`m going off track again. So we get some things and I of course remember to grab a box of donuts. We walk around until we both get tired then we sit down on a bench for awhile. We don`t really talk all that much. There is nothing to say. Soon we go home. That is the end of my first outing being really alone with Knives.  
  
-----------------------------------------------  
  
I am sitting out on the couch one evening when Vash approaches me as usual. This time he seems to have something on his mind. He sits down as usual except now he`s fidgeting. I have to stop myself from gigghling at the sight. I don`t know why it made me want to laugh.  
  
"Meryl?"  
  
"Yes, Vash?"  
  
"Would you watch the sun rise with me in the morning?"  
  
Well I wasn`t expecting this. I feel very flattered. I drop the book that I chose to read that day. I can`t look up into his eyes.  
  
"Uh…sure, Vash. Is there any particular reason why?"  
  
"Just to see it. I want someone that I really care about to be there to experience it with me."  
  
I`m blushing again. I can`t help it. I feel my head nod up and down.  
  
"I understand. What time?"  
  
"If you don`t mind…I would like to sit here and enjoy the rest of the night here with you."  
  
"You mean that we should stay up all night?"  
  
"Why not? I don`t have a job right now and neither do you. We can sleep in. Come on! What do you say?" Vash asks expectantly. I really am losing it. He`s pleading with me. I can tell by his voice. I feel that strangeness again. I recently began feeling it with Knives too. I know what it must means but I don`t really want to make that kind of decision right now.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
So we sit together. There`s not really another way of putting it. Okay…we do talk about our past adventures together. We laugh a lot when he talks of the girls that he used to chase around. He seems a little tense when we talk about that…like he`s ashamed of it. Anyways…we talk a lot about the mishaps that we went through. I don`t think that I`ll ever laugh like that again.  
  
Suring this time I also take in account the way he is sitting. He usually gives me some personal space but now he`s so close that he`s practically on top of me. I watch his arm on the edge of the couch behind me fidget. I notice tiny beads of sweat. His laugh is different too. He sounds so nervous. I find that oddly very likeable about him.  
  
`Like a little boy talking to a girl that he…`  
  
I need to stop thinking about that. It`s been on my mind for the past couple of days now. He suddenly jumps up and startles me.  
  
"Sorry! Meryl, come on! I think that we should go outside and watch noe!"  
  
I look up at the clock.  
  
`It`s nearly dawn! We`ve been talking for that long?`  
  
I feel Vash pull me up gently by my right arm. I look up at him and giggle nervously. He places the sheet from the couch around me.  
  
"Don`t want you to be too cold out there!"  
  
`He`s so considerate.`  
  
He leads me out to the porch. We stand a little behind the railing. I move forward a bit and lay my hands against the cold wooden surface. I watch as the tiny rays of light begin to appear in the distance. I feel Vash`s presense behind me and suddenly his hands come out beside mine. I blush slightly from how close that he is.  
  
`Agh! Why do you have to be so close?!`  
  
I don`t know why I feel so vulnerable. He is my very dear friend…but sometimes…sometimes it feels like he wants more. Sometimes I feel like I want more too. We watch the sun come up in all of its glory together. We didn`t go back into the house until it became a full circle in the sky.  
  
--------------------------------  
  
This unusual behavior keeps getting worse gradually without subsiding. Knives continually brings me into town with him and Vash wants me to be around him at night. I`m exhausted. Physically and mentally exhausted. One morning I just can`t get up. Of course the strangest only continues. Vash brings me breakfast and Knives sits and talks with me telling me that he owes me for all of the times that I sat up with him.  
  
I`m glad that I feel better now though. I finally found a way to be alone for a few minutes. When I lock my door they seem to understand. I don`t want to become a recluse though. No way that Meryl Stryfe would do that. On top of this Christmas is coming quickly and I have a bad feeling.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
Mistletoe. All around the house is mistletoe. I can`t stand it anymore. I manage to avoid them somehow. I climb out the window and use a ladder to climb back into my room. The only door not trapped is my door and the rest of the bedrooms. The doorway to the kitchen has one but I avoid that.  
  
`Piece of cake!`  
  
I buy everyone presents when I go into town. That`s how I get them to stay away from me for awhile. I need my space. I go with Mille for a change. Apparently a lot has happened. Wolfwood and herself are getting serious. I can almost imagine what that small wrapped box under the tree is for from Wolfwood. I dare not say anything about that to her though. I have a little problem with keeping something this big away from her.  
  
As for Wolfwood we go shopping and he tells me exactly what he plans to do. I tell him that I am very happy that it will happen. I know that Millie will be very excited. He hints at the thing going on with Vash and Knives. I tell him that I`m not sure what to think.  
  
I eventually go shopping with Vash. He tells me that he has a big surprise for me. For some reason this concerns me. He sounds overly nervous. An overly nervous Vash can be dangerous. Trust me. I should know.  
  
Shopping with Knives is pretty easy. He only mentions his gift to me once then we go on in silence. I`m relieved. His voice sounds very cheery…which frightens me concidering that his new personality resembles Vash`s.  
  
All in all…a very hectic few weeks.  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
Now for Christmas Eve. We sit down in front of the fireplace. I manage to avoid another wave of mistletoe as I take my place on the couch. I`m joined by Vash and Knives soon enough. Millie and Wolfwood take the big armchair after Wolfwood hands out some gifts.  
  
Yeah…well…we open the gifts. I get a new typewriter from Millie. She knows that I still love to write despite not working for the agency anymore. Wolfwood gave me some perfume. I`m not really sure why. I guess that it`s hard for men to pick out gifts for women. Knives gives me a very nice dress. I honestly don`t know how he knew my size. Vash becomes a bit steamed when he sees this.  
  
`I don`t know whether I should be flattered or not. It is a very nice dress. I`m kind of surprised that it wasn`t…well…undergarmnets of any kind.`  
  
I don`t find a gift from Vash. II find myself a little upset over this until I see that big grin on his face. I want to ask him what it is but suddenly Millie is laughing and crying at the same time.  
  
"Of course I`ll marry you!" she exclaims. They are all temporarily glued to this scene. Wolfwood is grinning from ear to ear. I jump up and embrace Millie.  
  
"I`m so happy for you!"  
  
She hugs me back.  
  
"Thank you, Sempai! I want you to be my maid of honor!"  
  
"Gladly!"  
  
Vash clears his throat.  
  
`Oh no…don`t tell me that….`  
  
"Since we`re on this subject…" he begins "I have something that I have to say."  
  
I let go of Millie and I try and hide my steradily rising beat of my heart. He stands up and so does Knives. I see him out of the corner of my eye as Vash reaches into his pocket. My heart is nearly bursting out of my ribcage.  
  
"Meryl, you`ve been there for me during the best of times and the worst of times. You somehow never became too angry with me. You have filled my life with such joy that I have to ask you…will you…"  
  
During this time Knives is approaching me. I feel him grab my arm and suddenly I am in his arms. He whirls me around. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me up to almost eye level. He presses his lips to mine in a deep kiss.  
  
  
  
***Oh…my….GOD!!!!!!!!!!! THE ANGST AND THE RUINED PROPOSAL! WHAT WILL HAPPEN?! WHO DOES MERYL WANT? Does she even want any of them? Oh…chapter 9 coming soon! ^.^ 


	9. Hard Decisions

Disclaimer: Trigun characters are not mine. I only take responsibility for personalities that I switch around.  
  
*Well, folks.I`m really REALLY sorry that I left you guys on one hell of a cliffhanger. I didn`t think that FF.net would be down for so long. Hopefully this chapter will make up for that. Please don`t kill me..*curls into fetal position*  
  
Chapter 9: Hard Decisions  
  
I pace my room. I feel like staying in here for the rest of my life. After the most recent events I don`t want to see anyone.not even Milly. My feelings are a cross between confusion and emabrassment.not to mention feelings of anger.  
  
`How could Knives do something like that? I know that he has amnesia and all but..and Vash.I ddn`t expect him to ask for my hand in marriage.damn it! That was so embarassing!`  
  
I touch my lips and my cheeks begin to grow red all over again.  
  
`I should be pummelling the both of them right now but.I don`t know how to explain it.I just can`t. Am I going insane? I actually have feelings for them.or am I just really confused right now?`  
  
I hear a knock at the door.  
  
"Meryl?"  
  
It`s Milly. I go to turn the knob to allow her to come in but then I think better of it. I shake my head.  
  
"I don`t want to talk right now."  
  
"But, Meryl, I think that you sh.."  
  
"I don`t want to talk, Milly!"  
  
Silence then I hear her let out a long sigh.  
  
"Alright. I`ll come check up on you later."  
  
I listen to her walk away down the hall. Not but a few seconds later there is another knock. I shake my head in frustration.  
  
"Milly, I told you that."  
  
"Can I talk to you?"  
  
`Vash?!`  
  
Against my better judgement I open the door. He`s standing there. I half expect him to run into my arms and hug me until I can`t breath. I expect that because that is how the old Vash would have reacted. No. He does not do that. He only stares at me with those green eyes. He looks so sad. I aevert my eyes from his.  
  
"What did you want to say, Vash?"  
  
"I just wanted to apologize for what I did. I had no right to try and.in front of everyone."  
  
"What`s done is done."  
  
"I can tell by the way that you`re acting that you are bothered by it. Just accept my apology. I really should have been more concerned with your feelings and not mine."  
  
".That`s a very nice thing of you to say."  
  
"I only want you to be happy, Meryl.even if..even if I am not the one to provide that for you."  
  
I feel strange when he says that. The way he says it makes me feel guilty. Really guilty. I look back up at him. He seems eager to hear me respond.  
  
"Again, Vash.that is a very kind thing to say. I need some time to think. Can you let me think about this, please?"  
  
He looks hurt again.  
  
`Damn! I never say anything right!`  
  
As he turns I clear my throat.  
  
"Vash..thank you."  
  
".No problem."  
  
He leaves. When the door closes I fall back against the bed. I cover my face with my hands. I feel tears in my eyes.  
  
`I can`t do this to them! Maybe it would be better if I just.`  
  
Another knock on the door.  
  
"Is that you, Vash?"  
  
".No."  
  
`Knives.`  
  
"I need time to think, Knives! Please go away!"  
  
".Okay."  
  
I expect him to protest as his unusual behavior lately reminds me so much of Vash. Nothing. I get up and open the door.  
  
`He`s not here. How strange. He probably wanted to apologize. Oh well. I`ll tell him tomorrow that it`s alright.as long as I get my space.`  
  
I change and crawl into bed. I stare at the ceiling until eventually I find myself slowly drifting away.  
  
------------------------------------------  
  
I dread going downstairs. I don`t want to look into either of their eyes. I also don`t like the way that Milly looks at me. She always looked up to me before but now I`m not exactly being the best person for that to be possible. Since Wolfwood showed up she is around him a great deal more than with me.  
  
`She has someone that she can look up to.and be with. Who..do I have?`  
  
I start feeling myself going into that state of depression again. I began having these occurances ever since Vash brought Knives here in the first place. I`ve been telling myself that they are caused only by loneliness.and I think that`s exactly what that is.  
  
I get up and put on my clothes. I hesitate then turn the knob of the door after approaching it slowly. I look out into the hallway. I hear faint voices from down the hall. I leave my room and walk until I am just outside of the kitchen. I step around the corner. The voices stop.  
  
".Good morning." I hear myself say. Everyone replies back with the same greeting. I feel my cheeks grow red when I see two familiar faces watching me intently. I think that they sense my discomfort as they both look away at the same time. I sit down at the table. No one talks. They all remain completely silent. I would rather they go on talking. I wouldn`t feel so strange then. I look at everyone from my downward facing eyes. I notice that Vash looks even more down than yesterday. Knives looks about the same. Milly is staring at Wolfwood. She glances at me once then turns her attention back to Wolfwood.  
  
".Can you pass the salt?" I ask quietly. Vash jumps about a foot into the air while Knives passes me the salt after spilling a great deal of it on the table. Milly lets out a giggle. She covers her mouth. We all look at each other. Wolfwood chuckles then begins to laugh. We all stare at him as if he was completely insane.  
  
`What..`  
  
Suddenly I can`t help but laugh. I really don`t understand why. Just a few seconds ago I felt so depressed. Now I only feel like laughing. Soon we are all laughing.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
I feel a lot better now. Breakfast had been just what I needed.well.with the added laughter thrown in of course. I do my chores with a big smile on my face. I feel as though nothing in the world can get me down.  
  
"Meryl.can we talk?"  
  
`Damn.so close.`  
  
I turn to face Knives. I leave my smile plastered on my face. I feel down again.  
  
"Really? Right now?"  
  
"If it wouldn`t be too much trouble.I would appreciate it."  
  
`I can`t say no to that voice.`  
  
"..Alright, Knives. After I`m finished with the dishes."  
  
I go on cleaning. I can feel his eyes on me the entire time. I feel afraid. I never don`t remember being afraid of him before.well.since I found out that he had amnesia.  
  
"I think that I`ll ask Vash to come along." I blurt out "He needs to be there too so we can sort this out in the proper way. He really needs to be there. He`s involved too."  
  
".Fine."  
  
His voice sounds angry.  
  
`Maybe this isn`t such a good idea.`  
  
".You understand what I mean, right?"  
  
"Yeah. I understand.but I don`t agree."  
  
I don`t really like the tone of his voice. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I listen as he walks off. I turn. My heart still feels fearful.  
  
`Why now? Why am afraid?`  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
My fear didn`t end even with Vash there. Everytime I look at Knives I want to shrink away in fear. Unfortunately I didn`t really realize how much that I want to be away from the both of them. Don`t get me wrong. I still care for them and all.but ever since Knives approached me in the litchen I`ve wanted to be away from them again.  
  
`Why can`t this feeling just go away?!`  
  
I mention to them that a walk through town may break the ice a bit then one of them could start talking. They agree without any kind of disagreement. I guess that is comforting..I guess. I feel the tension between them.mainly me. They were on either side of me and glaring at each other.  
  
`Not again. This is really not worth it.is it? Am I really that important to them?`  
  
"Meryl, I wanted to begin by saying that my behavior." Knives says.  
  
"He`s just trying to kiss up to you!" Vash interrupts "He wouldn`t know how to treat a woman!"  
  
Knives growls.  
  
"Like you know any better! You couldn`t even admit that you liked her and."  
  
"Well I was about to tell her when a certain someone had to go and ruin it when he knew damn well what I was doing!"  
  
I can`t help but watch this exchange with a kind of curiousity.after I back up a little of course. They look about ready to kill each other. People around us stop to watch.  
  
"You were too afraid to tell her anyways! I was doing you a favor!" Knives exclaims. Vash lughs.  
  
"That`s true.but I saw her first!"  
  
"She`s not a possession!"  
  
"I know that! You know what I meant! You`re just twisting my words around so she`ll fall for you over me!"  
  
"Why would I do that? She likes me better anyways!"  
  
"In what world are you living in?!"  
  
This is almost funny. I almost laugh but I stop myself.  
  
`This has been going on long enough`  
  
I want to say something but I can`t. I`m afraid again. Not only does Knives look more menacing but so does Vash. His eyes are starting to glow now. I can`t help but think that my deep sense of fear is now coming into reality.  
  
`What if they use their angel arms? If they are too caught up in this.then people could be killed.`  
  
I guess that my real true fear would be of Vash since Knives has yet to remember what an angel arm even is. I notice Vash`s hand move unconsciously to his side where a gun is strapped. My eyes widen.  
  
`No, Vash!`  
  
As if he heard my innermost thoughts he stops. He glances at me and nods. His eyes stop glowing. He puts his hands up.  
  
"We shouldn`t be fighting like this."  
  
"You`re trying to be on her good side!" Knives growls. Vash suddenly goes back to anger. His cheeks burn a little.  
  
"You just don`t know when to quit, do you? You won`t quit until you find someway to embarrass me in front of Meryl! Are you happy now? You did! Let`s just forget about this and."  
  
"No! I want you to apologize for getting in my way!"  
  
Now Knives is screaming.  
  
`That feeling.it`s coming back.`  
  
Knives` yelling is getting more cutting now. Ever since he woke up he always kept his voice to an even tone despite the situation. His eyes are wild and he is beginning to use a great deal of profanity. Vash looks surpised too. Suddenly this fight is not about me anymore. Something is seriously wrong.  
  
"Knives, what`s wrong with you? Why are you saying such things!"  
  
"Shut up! Shut up!" Knives exclaims. Several people back away. I do too.  
  
"Calm down!" Vash commands. Knives laughs. His laugh is cold.  
  
`.This isn`t the Knives that I came to know. This is.`  
  
"You always were such a fool, dear brother!"  
  
`He.He remembers who he is again.`  
  
"Kn.Knives?" Vash stutters. Knives` eyes are wide. A sadistic grin crosses his face.  
  
"Yes! I remember it all now! It just hit me! What have I been doing for these past weeks! I`ve been acting so stupid! I`ve allowed humans to touch me and treat me like another human! How could you let them do that?! You know how I hate every single one of them!"  
  
My heart grows cold when he says that. I feel like a knife is twisting away at it. This is like the time when Vash went off to fight Knives and when he came back with him. It doesn`t mean that I admit love to any of them.but recently all of these things that they are doing to each other are doing this to me..even if one of them seems to hate me. Suddenly Knives faces me. His eyes slit.  
  
"Especially you! I actually pressed my lips against a human`s! How disgusting!"  
  
My eyes shake. His face falters for a moment. His mouth twists into a frown. He looks about ready to kill me but something seems to be holding him back. Vash is behind me now. He puts his hands on my shoulders. I turn around and bury my face in Vash`s chest. He pits his arms around me as I cry.  
  
"You need to shut up!" Vash exclaims "How dare you hurt her! She doesn`t need this kind of abuse.especially from you! I`m going to take her somewhere where you can`t hurt her anymore!"  
  
I don`t pull away from him. He turns me away and begins walking.  
  
"Come back here! You won`t take that human anywhere!"  
  
His voice falters.  
  
`So.his love for me when he had amnesia really did have an effect on him..or he`s just trying some kind of scheme to get Vash to fight him.`  
  
I can`t really decide which.  
  
"I`m talking to you!" I hear him scream. Vash says nothing. He guides me away and I am all too eager to follow.but can I really go away with Vash.or is my heart telling me to do something else?  
  
***Will this story ever end? I don`t know.it depends how much torture I can whip up. I`m sorry if this chapter seemed rushed. If not.then cool! Don`t worry. The story will end.someday. LOL! You never know.next chapter or a few later. Does Meryl love Vash or does she actually love Knives deep down? Will she go with Vash or stay behind? Oh! When will it all end?!?!? Until then.thank you for reading! I appreciate that greatly! ^.^ 


	10. Heart`s Decision

Disclaimer: Any of the Trigun characters featured in this story are not mine.  
  
***Hello, people! Thank you so much for the reviews! I am ever so grateful! This story will end very soon(the next chapter). I have had a lot of fun writing these and I have enjoyed getting such kind reviews! To all of you I thank you! Anyways.so what`s in store for Meryl? Read and find out!  
  
  
  
Chapter 10: Heart`s Decision  
  
  
  
I allow Vash lead me into the house. A couple of minutes pass. I wonder why Vash is just standing here.  
  
`I guess that he`s waiting to see if Knives will follow us.`  
  
I didn`t really care if he did or not though I suppose that would cause a confrontation I really did not want to see right now.  
  
`I just want to go lay down and sleep for.`  
  
"Meryl?" I hear Vash say softly. He pushes me out in front of him. It pains me to see him so shaken and so unhappy that I can`t help it. I embrace him. I feel his hands pat me on the back softly.  
  
"I am so sorry that this had to happen." I whisper "If I could have changed that I would have."  
  
"It wasn`t your fault at all. I realized a long time ago that he would come out of it. I thought that anyways. I didn`t really expect him to have his memory come back so suddenly and out in front of all of those people."  
  
"You don`t suppose that he would hurt anybody right now.do you?"  
  
"I`m not sure but my gut tells me that he`s just really confused right now. If it will make you feel better than I will go check to make sure."  
  
I lean my head into his chest. I nod slowly.  
  
"Yes. Please do that for me."  
  
He lets go of me. The blond haired gunman gives me one last reassuring smile as he leaves the house. I walk over to the window in the living room. Dust kicks up around him as he runs towards town in a dead sprint. A smile crosses my face.  
  
`Always willing to do something for me. Well.at least ever since he started to actually have feelings for me.`  
  
I can`t help but smile when I think about that.  
  
`Up until now I wasn`t sure but maybe Vash is the right choi.`  
  
A mental image of Knives crosses my mind. I shake my head back and forth. My hands clutch at my skull and I squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears.  
  
`Everytime that I think about Vash I see Knives and everytime that think about Knives I see Vash! Why can`t I make a decision?!......If I think about this logically the only one that I could have is Vash...right?! I mean..Knives is back to his old self! If I told him that I loved him he would either kill me or degrade me thoroughly for being a human...or both!`  
  
The tears are running down my arms now.  
  
`...But what if Knives somehow finds it in his black heart to dig up that affection that he held for me when he didn`t remember anything? If I tell Vash Knives would be crushed..but if I tell Knives Vash would be hurt...damn it! There`s not one way I can rid myself of this situation with either choice...unless I don`t tell any of them. Maybe I should just...no! No! That won`t work! I`d hurt both of them.and I love them both despite the current situation! `  
  
I feel my heart beating faster and faster. My breathing becomes irregular.  
  
`I can`t have both of them at once! One of them would get jealous of the other then they would fight over me again! I can`t stand this! I can`t stand this!`  
  
My hand clutches my chest. Pain radiates from underneath it. My eyes bulge.  
  
`What`s..what`s happening?! I`m freaking out! I`m..`  
  
My body loses all feeling and I plunge into complete darkness.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
White light pours into my eyes as they slowly open. At first I`m disoriented. The world is blurry. Images all appear as black and white burs.  
  
"Where...where am I?" I ask aloud. I didn`t really expect anyone to answer me.  
  
"In your room, of course. Where else would you be, you foolish spider?"  
  
`Knives.`  
  
"Who brought me in here?"  
  
I hear his shoes clap against the floorboards. I can`t tell where his voice is coming from so I remain completely still.  
  
"My idiot brother came into town where I was merely informing all of those pathetic spiders that I will eventually end their pathetic little existences. He dragged me back here and we found you unconscious. I told him just to leave yo there but he wanted to make you comfortable."  
  
My vision is beginning to clear as he speaks. I see him standing directly in front of me. His cold blue eyes glare down at me. I feel so insignificant under them. My eyes avert from his.  
  
"So Vash brought me in here."  
  
"That is what I said, spider."  
  
"Don`t call me that." I whisper as my eyes glare up at him then turn away again. He laughs. His laugh is so chilling. I can`t help but flinch at the sound of it.  
  
"But that is what you are! An insect!"  
  
"Why don`t you go away? I don`t need to be criticized right now or ever, Knives. Why did you come in here anyways? If it was only to insult me I want you to leave."  
  
The smirk along his face fades into a frown. He looks like he`s contemplating something and I can`t put my finger on what it could be.  
  
`Maybe he`s here to kill me...no...he wouldn`t do that, would he? He would if it benefitted..I`m dead.`  
  
"I came in here because.." he begins. I sit up a little bit. My back straightens as I lean up to hear him better. His eyes lock with mine. He lets out a bout of nervous laughter.  
  
`Nervous..Knives?`  
  
He leans over the bed until his face is only an inch from mine at the most.  
  
"I feel..I feel strange around you, spider. I feel that heart that all beings have tighten within my chest. I try to ignore it but it keeps pounding. I want to leave on my mission but you hold me back. I thought about killing you. That only made me feel empty."  
  
I listen carefully to everything. I don`t know if I can believe everything but I take it all in anyways. My own heart begins to pound.  
  
`What is he saying? Does he actually...`  
  
"I came here to ask you a question." he continues as he edges his face away.  
  
"What question?"  
  
"This one: Will you come with me?"  
  
My eyes grow wide.  
  
"Come with you? What do you mean? I don`t understand exactly what you`re asking here, Knives. Where are you going?"  
  
He laughs once again. His right hand extends towards her.  
  
"On my quest to defeat all spiders. I still intend to do so. However...I have no intention of killing you. Perhaps if you agree I shall spare your spider friends as a sort of gesture for coming with me."  
  
I rub my eyes.  
  
`I must be dreaming. Knives is asking me of all beings to go with him...to conquer humans?`  
  
He seems to get a little impatient.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"You`re asking me to leave my friends behind to go with you and help you destroy humanity? You are out of your mind, Knives. I won`t go with you."  
  
His eyes narrow.  
  
"How dare you?! I give you this and you deny it?!"  
  
He reaches back his hands. I brace myself for the impact of his hand but it does not come. My eyes open. His hand is directly beside my face. It is a few inches from my check. Two cold ice blue eyes glare. The pupils shake. His hand drops away and he growls in frustration.  
  
"Despite my anger I cannot hurt you. I would hurt myself before I did that. You just think about what I said. I will await your response. When you are ready come and find me."  
  
He leans over slightly. I blink. He remains an inch away then kisses me. It isn`t the greatest kiss that I`ve ever had. It only lasts for a few seconds but it still manages to make my heart skip a beat. He leaves without another word or glance in my direction. I am left to my thoughts.  
  
`..Knives...`  
  
I hear a knock at my door. I look up. Vash is standing there. Instead of a big goofy grin his smile is determined.  
  
`What is he up to? Maybe this is about..`  
  
"Meryl, I have to ask you something."  
  
"What is it, Vash?"  
  
He walks in and carefully sits down beside me. The smile on his face broadens. I can`t help but smile back.  
  
"Again I apologize for the whole proposal thing." he blurts out. His head turns away from my gaze. I feel my heart go out to him.  
  
`He`s still upset about that. I should have tried to fix this a long time ago.`  
  
I embrace him as I did before he went after Knives. He past my arms reassuringly.  
  
"No. I should be the one that`s sorry. I should have sat down with you and solve this all out in an easier manner."  
  
"Well..we`re sitting down now and I think that we pretty much solved it."  
  
His voice appears ten times happier than before. I can`t help but notice the hint of nervousness in his voice that I noticed in his brother`s. I release Vash from my embrace. He turns to face me. His cheeks are red.  
  
"Why are you so nervous? You aren`t going to try and propose again, are you? This would be really awkward and all right now. Your br.."  
  
"No. I`m not going to propose again. I learn from my mistakes. It was the wrong time and you were confused with so much happening. No. I want to ask you if you would come with me."  
  
The irony with this situation is uncanny. Not but a few minutes ago Knives had asked me the same question. I force myself to continue smiling at Vash while my insides twist about.  
  
"Where to, Vash?"  
  
"Well I was hoping that we could go to July. I know that I have some bad memories there and all but I want to bury that. Maybe we can help the people there. They still are rebuilding. After that we can go see Lina. I`ll bet that she`s dying to see me!"  
  
My lips curl into a smile.  
  
`Dear Vash..always wanting to help others.`  
  
As I consider what he is saying he keeps going and going with all kinds of travel plans. I`m surpised at how much he says.  
  
`He really does care about me. He went to all this trouble just for...`  
  
He leans towards me. I make no move to push him away. He presses his lips against mine while he cups my face in his hands. I can only sit there and do nothing. I don`t know what to do. I know that I`ve wanted this for a long time.  
  
`He`s kissing me! Ever since I met him I`ve dreamed of this...yet...this isn`t exactly the moment that I wanted...no..this is still good..but not when I`m so confused.`  
  
He ends the kiss. He smiles at me. I smile back.  
  
"Well? What do you think?"  
  
"About the kiss?"  
  
"No. About going with me to July. I promise that I will never let Knives hurt you like that again. I love you too much to allow that."  
  
`He`s admitting that he loves me. Knives never did that.`  
  
"He will never lay a finger on you. I`ll always be there for you. I`ll protect you for as long as we live."  
  
`As long as we live...even if I choose they will both outlive me.`  
  
He frowns.  
  
"I`m sorry about that thing on as long as we.."  
  
"It`s alright, Vash. I knew what you meant. It will happen. I will die before you or Knives ever do. It will be many years before either of you die. I have already thought about that a long time ago."  
  
Vash nods. My head lowers.  
  
"That`s another reason why I can`t say yes just yet."  
  
He lets out a defeated sigh. I can`t help but feel like a fool. My eyes water.  
  
"I`m sorry Vash but...I still need a bit more time."  
  
"....I understand. Take as much time as you need. If you say yes then I will keep to my word. I would never lie to you."  
  
"I know...I know. Could you leave me be for now? I need to think long and hard about this."  
  
Vash stands. He stretches a bit then walks across the room to the door. The knob turns and he is in the doorway. I look up. He smiles warmly then disappears after closing the door. I look around the room. My hands shake. I stare down at them.  
  
`Why? I wanted Vash then..and I still want Vash but...Knives...despite his attitude..somewhere deep inside I care for him a great deal as well. I have to make sure that I make the right decision. Whatever decision I make will end up hurting someone in some way. I don`t know if I can take that.`  
  
-------------------------------------------  
  
The sun is rising. My bloodshot eyes gaze out the window at the beautiful golds and reds on the horizon. I smile despite my heart aching.  
  
`I know who I must choose. It will hurt the other so much..and I hope that he can have it in his heart to forgive me. I have to tell him how I feel! I have to!`  
  
I stand up. Rummaging through my drawers I pick out various items of clothing. I quickly pull them on and fix myself up. I wipe away my tears as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I smile. For the first time in weeks it is of determination and confidence.  
  
`He must know how I feel!`  
  
I quickly leave the room in search of the one that my heart most yearns for.  
  
  
  
****How`s that for a cliffhanger?!?! o.O OH!!!! THE ANGST!!!! SO POWERFUL!!! WHO WILL SHE CHOOSE?!?! Will it be Vash or Knives? Who will be the one to call Meryl their own?!?! WHO!??!?!?!?!? The next chapter willl decide it all..or will it?!?! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	11. My True Love

Disclaimer: Any Trigun characters featured here are not mine but any personality differences that did not appear in the show were doctored by me.  
  
***Yo! Yo! Yo! Such a hard decision..so I did something... I put a little something that could please some people..hopefully. Read on, my friends! Read on! I have enjoyed this writing thoroughly! ^.^ Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Epilogue: My True Love  
  
I run down the hallway.  
  
`This has been a tough decision but..this is the right one! I should have known all along that he is the one that I was meant to love!`  
  
Of course I can`t find either of them anywhere. I had to make sure to avoid the other one to not be caught in a confrontation.  
  
`That wouldn`t be good right now. That`s all I would need..to hurt him.`  
  
I see Milly. I decide not to ask about him as this would just make her ask questions. Too many questions. She smiles at me and waves when I race by.  
  
"Meryl, where are you off to in such a hurry?" she calls after me. I don`t say anything back. My shoes rapidly pound the wooden floor then skid as I stop only long enough to open the door.  
  
"I can`t talk right now!" I call back "I`m busy!"  
  
"Okay!" she replies. I shake my head.  
  
`Sometimes I wonder if she even listens to what I`m saying.`  
  
I peer out into the desert landscape. The sun reflects off of it and makes it impossible for me to see anything.  
  
`Damn it! I was hoping that he would be out here! Maybe..`  
  
"So, spider, have you made your decision?"  
  
I turn around. My heart feels like it stopped.  
  
`Knives..`  
  
I point to the bench.  
  
"Sit down with me."  
  
"If you insist." he mutters. I sit down. He sits down beside me. He doesn`t look at me for awhile. He stares at nothing for what seems like several minutes. I stare at him with curious eyes.  
  
`I wonder what he`s thinking about.`  
  
"This planet is so disgusting." he says. I come out of my thoughts. I nod slightly.  
  
"It may not be pretty to look at now but I think that it will become a more liveable environment in time."  
  
"Do you actually believe that?"  
  
"Yes. I do. Nothing you say will ever change how I feel either."  
  
He laughs. His laugh sounds different somehow. It doesn`t have that bitter and hateful tone. It sounds more nervous as it did yesterday. I am surprised to hear it like that again. I wanted to imagine that it was a dream.  
  
"I did not think that you would. I never intended to try and change your mind. I do learn from experience. Your attitude is revolting and unfit for a spider. You are all supposed to be fearful of us."  
  
My eyes narrow.  
  
"That`s not what we are supposed to be."  
  
"Yes it is...but not for you. You have invoked a tormenting interest in me and I cannot help but have a certain place for you in whatever resides inside my chest. I hate it honestly. I want to hate you. I."  
  
"Shut up, Knives."  
  
He seems amused at my boldness. I feel the tears in my eyes well up.  
  
"What is your problem?" he asks. Suddenly his voice doesn`t sound so strange. It sounds empty. I look at him.  
  
"Despite your looks on life and the rude things that you say about my race..I love you."  
  
He blinks at the words. He keeps the same montone look on his face. He opens his muth to speak. I shake my head.  
  
"But...my heart does not belong to you."  
  
The look on his face changes. I have to look away from him. I can`t describe what I saw in his eyes. The best I can put it is that his soul, or whatever had been a soul, became extinguished in that one moment. Despite who he was before and what he still is I love him.  
  
"...Vash is on the roof." I hear him say. I want to ask why he told me where Vash was and why he isn`t killing me but I cannot. When I look up to speak he`s gone. I don`t look for him. I know that I will never see him again..at least not in the way that I came to know him these past few weeks. I wipe my eyes again and sniffle. I feel a smile growing on my face.  
  
-----------------------------------  
  
I open the trapdoor to the roof. I see him there watching the sun as it climbs into the sky. He never usually sits on the roof. He always complained of the heat. I always used to tell him what a fool he was since he had once travelled for over a century in a desert planet. He looks over his shoulder at me. He smiles.  
  
"What are you doing up here?"  
  
"I came up to talk to you, Vash."  
  
He pats the space beside him. He always did that for me. I know what I want to say to him but it feels strange that it will actually come out. What I say will change my life forever. I sit beside him.  
  
"What did you want to say?"  
  
"Remember when Milly and I first met you?"  
  
His eyes brighten at the mention of those times. He nods and that stupid grin spreads across his face.  
  
"I`ll never forget that."  
  
"I didn`t think that you honestly were the legendary Vash The Stampede. I didn`t want to think that because you were such an idiot."  
  
"Hey! Don`t be so harsh!" he whines. I giggle.  
  
"You went after any girl that was beautiful. After I found out that you were the real thing I became infactuated with you. I tried to shake it off like it was all in my mind...but I couldn`t. Everything you did was selfless and everyone you helped became your friends. I wanted to be with you and to comfort you when your brother`s henchmen hurt you. I wasn`t strong enough to."  
  
As I tell him things that were buried within my heart Vash remains silent. His face is unreadable.  
  
"It wasn`t just the girls that I was jealous of anymore. I was jealous of all of those people that you could get along with so well. I`m not the easiest person to get along with."  
  
"That`s an understatement!"  
  
Mu cheeks grow red. I take a swipe at him with my hand. He backs away just out of reach. He breaks out into his hideous laughter. I can`t help but smile.  
  
"Anything else you wanted to say?" he asks. I nod.  
  
"I talked to Knives a few minutes ago."  
  
Vash`s smile quickly fades. He averts his eyes from mine.  
  
"Really? Well..I guess that you two will be off then. I`ll...I`ll miss you, Meryl."  
  
I shake my head.  
  
"What makes you think that I`m going with him?"  
  
Now it`s his turn to blush. He starts laughing nervously. He does that continuously for what seems like five minutes. I grow a little imaptient. I manage to slap him playfully on the knee.  
  
"Stop laughing!"  
  
He stops. His lips curl into that nervous smile.  
  
"S...Sure, Meryl!"  
  
I sit back and stare at him.  
  
`He still acts like such a child....but there`s still that irresistable charm that I`ve always known and loved.`  
  
We remain silent. Now Vash is staring at me. I want him to say something. I can`t think of anything. My mind is running on a blank.  
  
"Um...so...Meryl....what is your decision?"  
  
I want to choke him.  
  
`He can`t read between the lines?!`  
  
I realize that he`s teasing me when that warm smile grips upon his face. I reach out to smack him only to stop myself. I lean back up. A strand of my hair blows into my face. I reach up to move it but Vash moves quicker than I do. He reaches his right hand up and brushes it aside. He rests his hand against my cheek.  
  
"Did you honestly think that you were not beautiful to me back on our adventures?"  
  
Tears brim in my eyes. His thumb wipes them gently from the cheek that it remains on. I nod. A small tremer runs through his hand.  
  
"....I am so sorry. I wasn`t very nice about noticing what was happening to you due to my own actions. In my own quest to defeat my brother once and for all I didn`t notice. I didn`t treat you like a friend."  
  
I reach up my trembling hands to grasp his extended wrist. My fingers trail over his hand as he spoke. He looks so sad. My own instinct is to get him out of that sadness. I forcibly shake my head back and forth quickly.  
  
"No, Vash! Don`t apologize! I should have given you more space! I should have left you alone in the first place! I must have made you feel worse! I went so far as to question why so many bad things happen because you were around! I was the one who hurt you!"  
  
My tears trickle down and run along the edges of his hands. They fall into my lap. His eyes shine. His own tears begin to run. I wait for him to speak. He moves his hand away from my cheek. I let go of it. He places it on my shoulder. His other arm comes down on my other shoulder.  
  
"Meryl...I love you." he whispers. Grasping my shoulders he pulls me against him in a strong embrace. My tears that I have in my eyes run down my cheeks. I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes.  
  
"I love you too." I whisper back. He lets go of me. I lean my head up to peer into his sea green eyes. I smile. His head moves closer and his lips part. I close my eyes. My lips part as I move forward. Our lips meet and everything that I had feared up until this moment vanished for these few minutes of total happiness.  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
It`s been about five years since we left them. Milly and Wolfwood send us postcards from time to time. I hear that they have two children of their own already. I`m so happy for them. I promised them that I would come and see them. In fact Vash agreed that we should visit. After all we haven`t seen them and they need to meet our son Blaise.  
  
I sent them many postcards back telling them about the life that Vash and I started in July. Vash has another job that involves construction. I stayed at home after I became pregnant early on. After the birth I decided to devote all of my time and energy to raising him. Vash was all too happy for me to do that.  
  
Blaise looks a lot like Vash except for the color of his eyes which resemble mine. He has an energy that I cannot match. I suppose that all children have that. He loves hearing stories about the adventures we had with Vash. When he asks about his uncle I take a split second to remember Knives. I never have answered anything that he asked about. I can`t. Somewhere deep inside I feel pity for him. I never have regretted my decision. I truly love Vash with all of my heart and soul.  
  
Sometimes...I can`t help but wonder what life would have been like...  
  
-------------------------------- * ** *** **** **** *** ** *  
  
****I originally planned on making it Vash/Meryl since they just started to make more since but then Knives did in a creepy sort of way. For all of you Knives fans out there this chapter is for you. This is the alternate ending beginning where Meryl is talking to Knives after running into him.  
  
  
  
"What is your problem?" he asks. Suddenly his voice doesn`t sound so strange. It sounds empty. I look at him.  
  
"I don`t honestly know why I can`t just go with what my brain tells me. I should do what it tells me. If not..then I`m not sure if I would be truly happy. My heart though..it tells me something else."  
  
"Just say it! Get to the point!" he snaps back at me. I can`t help but roll my eyes.  
  
`He`ll never change.`  
  
"Knives..just shut up for once."  
  
He smirks.  
  
"Why should I do that, human...I mean Meryl."  
  
`At least he`s trying.`  
  
I motion for him to sit down. He stays where he is. I sigh aloud in frustration.  
  
"Humor me, Knives!"  
  
He shrugs. He sits down beside me. He`s looking out into the desert with an unreadable face.  
  
"Go on." he says "You did have more on your mind than that, right?"  
  
"Um..yes."  
  
"You want to know where Vash is right now, don`t you?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"He is on the roof. Go on. He is waiting for you."  
  
It strikes me as he gets up to leave.  
  
`He thinks that I...`  
  
"Knives, listen!"  
  
"Go on. Leave me alone! I am going to leave anyways. I cannot have you wasting my time for trivial..."  
  
I stand up and grab his gloved hand. He whirls around on me as if to yell at me. Tears threaten to escape my eyes.  
  
"Stop being so stubborn! I came looking for you and you alone! I had no intention for looking for Vash! That would complicate things! I came to tell you that you are the one that I want to be with and that I want to go with you!" I snap aloud. At first he does nothing. Sweat begins to form along his narrowed brow. He just stares back into my eyes with his blue eyes with intensity.  
  
"...You better not be lying."  
  
I slap him. He deserves it. Here I am confessing my heart to him and he goes and opens his big mouth.  
  
`This better be the right decision...or he`ll get more than a slap from me!`  
  
I avert my eyes from his. I can`t look up at him right now. His reaction to my choice was not what I expected. I originally believed that he would gloat around and hurt Vash`s feelings. Well...I guess that could still happen.  
  
"I want to leave now." I say aloud.  
  
"Why? I did not plan on leaving until..."  
  
"I can`t face Vash. I just can`t. I don`t want to see that look on his face. He has meant much to me in my life and I don`t want to see his heart crushed."  
  
"You would have crushed my heart if you had told him."  
  
My hand instinctively tightens around his own.  
  
"I wouldn`t have done that."  
  
"Yes you would have. Despite our current situation it would not have crossed your mind to avoid me completely. I am certain that running into me would be on account of you not trying hard enough."  
  
I know that he is right. I wouldn`t have avoided him like this. If I had decided on Vash I would have looked for him. If I had run into Knives along the way it would have been because I was not careful.  
  
"....Let`s go, Knives."  
  
"Don`t you want to go pack or something?"  
  
"No. I already did that. I have whatever I need with me."  
  
I squeeze his hand again. He does nothing for a few minutes. Dust picks up around us. He returns the squeeze. Together we leave the porch. We don`t grab one of the bikes or a Thomas. We walk with our own legs away from the house. I never look back at it. I know that if I did I would only run back. It wouldn`t be to go to vash. It would be where my heart has truly felt like home.  
  
I`m not really sure now if I even love Knives. Yes. I did pick him....but not like I felt for him when he had amnesia. Then he was much like Vash.  
  
`But I picked him over Vash...so there must be something more there.`  
  
Maybe it will come to me in time. I will most likely never see any of my friends again. Wherever Knives plans to go...I know that it will be us for the majority. He wants to destroy humanity. I won`t let him. If he loves me at all he will listen to me.  
  
Maybe my choice was foolish. Deep down I disagree.  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
My eyes survey the desert sand. Knives is out there standing on one of the dunes. He comes back towards me. That sly smirk lights upon his lips.  
  
"The town is in sight. We will reside there for a few days then move on. I want to look around. I have to know the town`s weaknesses."  
  
I roll my eyes.  
  
"You have a one track mind."  
  
He embraces me suddenly.  
  
"Two track mind."  
  
"You`re disgusting."  
  
He laughs maniacally. I can`t help but smile. Despite his attitude I had found it in my heart over these past few monthes to truly love him. I realize that he can`t show his feelings like I can. He`s not anyone else. He is Millions Knives. He tried to destroy all of humanity. He is trying it again...but I don`t regret my decision. I will never regret it.  
  
"Shall we depart?" he asks in that annoyingly badass sounding voice. I do a mock bow.  
  
"After you."  
  
He chuckles. He lets go of me. I take his hand. His eyes stare into mine intensely. He does this a lot. They avert from my own. He always turns before me. I think that somewhere in his mind he still sees me as just a human...like he should not be with me at all but he never tells me to go.  
  
-----------------------------  
  
In the hotel I stare out the window of the hotel. My eyes center on the moon hanging in the night sky. I look back at Knives who is asleep on the bed. My lips curve into a smile.  
  
`A damned lunatic....but he is my lunatic.`  
  
I make my way over to him. I crawl into bed next to him. My head leans against his shoulder. He mumbles something. I`m not sure what he said. I turn over and lay my arm across his chest. I close my eyes.  
  
At times even like this when I could not feel happier..I can`t help but think...what if I had chosen differently...  
  
  
  
  
  
***Yes. This is truly the end of this fic. Honestly I saw Vash/Meryl being more intimate at the end and Knives/Meryl more social because Knives is back to his old self. It made sense to end them in the ways that I did. Thank you so much to all of my reviewers out there. I am so happy that so many people liked it. I tried hard to make this story enjoyable.  
  
Anyways..I`m leaving for college on Friday, Aug. 23 so I had to finish this one for all of you out there. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! ^.^ 


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